Sab Journaling 1

"I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh." 2 Nephi 4:18-21

Do you feel encompassed or trapped? When do you feel this way most often?
I often feel trapped by food, mostly because of the way I feel trapped in the body that it creates. I feel like its a vicious cycle, I get fat because I eat the food, and when I'm fat I want food for comfort.  It sucks. I hate it. And I want to change, and I slowly am. When we lived in Utah, I would eat a lot more than I do now. I gained all my weight in Utah. At least 20 pounds probably more like 25. I did gain 10 back here, but it was after I had lost 10 pounds, and I didn't lose it the healthy way. . . I basically ate 800 calories a day of unhealthy food, so almost nothing. And that kind of weight is very easy to put back on. I felt trapped by the weight, even when I had lost it, and even more when I put it back on.


What situations or feelings weakened you so you gave in to your addictions?
I think looking at other people and becoming jealous was a sure way for me to spiral into a binge. Utah has that mindset of perfectionism, and its really hard not to fall into it and compare yourself to everyone who looks like the lead the perfect life from the outside. Also, the winter is hard for me because I think I have a bit of SAD, so no sunshine is really tough for me. Texas has helped that a lot!


When Nephi felt overwhelmed, in whom did he place his trust? What can you do to place more trust in the Lord?
He placed his trust in God. Oh man, this is hard for me. I am not very good (read: don't do it unless David does it with me) at praying or reading scriptures or LIKING going to church. I know that God is there, and that he watches over us and our lives, but the whole church part of the church is what kills me. I am a very spiritual person, just not a very religious one, and sometimes its hard to seperate the two. I really want to work on praying by myself - not just our couples prayers at night. And I want to read scriptures. Confession: I have never read the BOM all the way thru. I want to do this. I want to have a desire to go to church and to pray and to read scriptures. And not just for David. For me. I want it for me. I am going to start by saying prayers in the morning. Then add more, like personal nightly prayers, and scripture study. But morning prayers: thats where I am starting. That is how I will place more faith in the lord.