Friday, April 22, 2011

Day 62

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed fruit
1 oz dry oats, cooked

lunch
2 oz peanut butter
9 oz cabbage, 5 oz celery and carrots
1/2 oz asian dressing

dinner
2 oz bacon, 1 oz cheese
4 oz potato
8 oz broccoli, 3 oz salsa, 3 oz carrots
1/2 oz sour cream

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Day 52

Breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz fruit
1 oz dry oats

Lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 5 oz cucumber and snappeas and carrots
1/2 oz oil

Dinner
3 oz ground turkey, 1/2 oz cheese
10 oz zucchini, squash, onion, and 4 oz spagetti sauce
1/2 oz oil
3 rice cakes

With God's help and my willingness, I'll have a day of abstinence.

3 Things I'm grateful for:
1. That I can still fit 5 kids in my car comfortably so that when I have to help a friend unexpectantly, I can.
2. That my inclination is to be forgiving and give the benefit of the doubt.
3. That my husband can forgive me when I make mistakes and will always love me when I doubt I deserve his love.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Tracy day 51

Breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
2 oz dry cereal
1 banana

Lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 5 oz cucumber and carrots
1/2 oz oil dressing

Dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
10 oz bell peppers, onion, zucchini, 4 oz salad
1/2 oz oil dressing

Friday, April 8, 2011

Tracy Day 48

Breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz fruit
1 oz dry oats

Lunch
2 oz Chicken, 1 oz cheese
10 oz sauted veggies, 4 oz cucumber and carrots
1/2 oz oil

Dinner
3 oz sausage, 1/2 oz cheese
10 oz cooked zucchini and squash and onion, 4 oz spagettie sauce
3 rice cakes
1/2 oz oil

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. That we don't have a dvd player in the car anymore because I get to hear the kids look out the window and say, "I see bluebonnets" "I see purple ones" "I see pink!"
2. That with Earth's calamaties and heartaches around the world, there is still beauty and touchstones of our Father's love for us.
3. That my children are loving. They require a hug and a kiss before bed everynight and every morning before Eddie leaves for work.
4. And an extra because my heart is full of gratitude this morning: that I've woken up early every morning to a quiet house where I can get on my knees have a meaningful prayer. I am NOT a morning person, and I know this is a gift from a loving Heavenly Father.

1 thing I like about myself:
1. I enjoy serving others.
with gods help and my willingness i will have a day of abstinence

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Tracy Day 47

Breakfast
8 oz protein drink
3 rice cakes
1 banana

Lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 5 oz cucumber, snapeas
1 oz asian dressing

Dinner
4 oz talapia
4 oz rice
10 stir fry veggies (Carrots, snapeas, onion, red bell pepper), 4 oz raw veggies
1 oz oil

1 reason I like myself:
I can pour a mean thing of bacon grease without spilling. ;)

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. That we were able to financially afford to sell the van and get a car we can afford.
2. That we listened to the Spirit and got the car that is in our means rather than the car we want.
3. That we can pray and recieve revelation and communication from on high, even in regards to something "mortal" like getting a car.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Tracy Day 46

breakfast
2 eggs
3 rice cakes
1 small banana

lunch
2 oz ground turkey, 1 oz cheese
9 oz salad, 5 oz sauted bell peppers and onions
1 oz sour cream

dinner
2 oz bacon, 1 oz cheese
4 oz potato
9 oz broccoli, 3 oz salsa, 2 oz cucumber
1 oz sour cream

1 reason I like myself:
I'm forgiving

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. That I get to be a mom to my three children and stay home to raise them and teach them and love them.
2. That my own mother stayed home to raise me and left me a legacy of faith and kindness. She truly taught each of us to be kind to everyone and to love and lift those around you. She could walk into a grocery store bathroom and walk out with a new best friend.
3. That my dad reads his scriptures everyday. He is such an example to me of quiet faith that can move mountains. He is my hero and I love him so dearly.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Tracy Day 45

I need to figure out how to fall asleep without taking exedrin p.m.

The plan:

Breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz fruit
1 oz dry oats

Lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 5 oz cucumber/carrots
1 oz oil

Dinner
3 oz ground turkey, 1/2 oz cheese
3 rice cakes
7 oz salad, 7 oz sauted bell peppers and onions
1 oz sour cream

1 reason I like myself:
I encourage my kids to not quit

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. I stayed up and did the dishes even though I was tired and wanted to go to bed.
2. I was hungry all day, but still didn't eat anything.
3. That I have a sister who is my best friend and will call to check on me regularly.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Tracy day 44

Let the games begin!

Breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed berries
1 oz dry oats

Lunch
1 oz cheese, 2 oz sausage
5 oz cooked carrots, 7 oz raw veggies(carrots, celery, cucumber)
1/2 oz dressing

Dinner
4 oz Chicken
4 oz Rice
7 oz cooked green beans, 7 oz salad
1/2 oz salad dressing

1 Reason I like myself:
I haven't quit yet

3 Things I'm grateful for:
1. General conference
2. My husband
3. My children

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Tracy Day 40

40 sounds so long...Only 50 more to go. ;)

the plan:

breakfast
8 oz protein drink
2 oz dry oats
1 pear

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1/2 apple (sprinkled with cinnamon)

dinner
4 oz talapia
4 oz rice
7 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, carrots, celery) and 5 oz cooked carrots
1/2 oz salad dressing

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Tracy 39

Last night was so nice...thank you for being my friend. I can't wait to hear how you are feeling today and if you've changed your mind again. ;)

the plan:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
5 oz mixed berries
2 oz dry cereal

lunch
1 oz cheese, 1 oz peanut butter
5 oz tomato soup, 7 oz cabbage salad
1/2 apple
1 oz asian dressing

dinner
4 oz blk bean, 1/2 cheese
2 corn tortillas
3 oz lettuce, 3 oz tomato & onion, 2 oz salsa, 6 oz sauted bell peppers
1 oz sour cream

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Tracy 38

YES PLEASE!!! Please come over and I'll just have some extra food in case you want it. Here is what I'm having today:

breakfast
1 protein drink
1 banana
2 oz dry granola

lunch
1 oz cheese, 2 oz chicken
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
3 oz grapes, 2 oz oranges

dinner
4 oz teriyaki chicken
4 oz rice
9 oz sauted veggies, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz oil

Monday, March 28, 2011

This Week

I am not going to re-commit. Because I am deciding if I am going to stay at this job. And I feel sick. Constantly. So I don't think I will be ABLE to eat. I am going to try to eat on plan when I DO eat, but this morning I almost had to pull over to throwup before I got here, and I don't want to feel like that every day.

Ugh. Can I come over for dinner on Tuesday? I might not eat anything, but I need to be around friends.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Tracy Day 36

I didn't realize how long it's been since I recorded here and I find it amazing how correlated it is with how my days go...I've felt my committment slip internally but I not actually tempted to eat "off program" other than I REALLLY REALLLLLLLY wanted a diet coke. I've stayed true and I'm so glad I have. I read some really interesting "testimonials" in the back of the AA Big Book and it kind of put some things into perspective for me. When I fail to report, I'm slipping back into the "solitary" lifestyle that is of an addict. So today I will eat:

breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 corn tortillas
1 banana

lunch
none (at church)

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz zucchini and squash and onion, 4 oz cucumber
1 oz oil
3 oz pears

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Day 3?

Ugh.
So coming back from vacation is not fun. Esp when your job is no longer as fun as it once was. And yeah. I am really tired.

Today I haven't eaten b/c I'm not sure I can eat and stay on plan. I know it sounds retarded, but there you have it. I kept myself from getting a cheeseburger today and that was a massive effort. I didn't eat dinner last night b/c I felt really nauseous. I will try to eat dinner tonight. I have all the food at home, I just need to eat it.

So yeah. I am struggling. Mostly b/c I need to re-commit and just suck it up and do it. We'll see how it goes. I am trying to not be in the food but its really really hard today. Which is why I haven't eaten at all.

YOU ARE OVER A MONTH SOBER! Yaaay! Haha. I like using the word Sober in reguards to food.

I think the other reason I'm having problems is b/c I do feel like I've lost a ton of weight and I need to not be okay with where I am now. I know I still have weight to lose! I know! And I know this is about more than the weight - its about being in control of MYSELF. Having selfcontrol is so hard for me, and its something I need to learn how to do before I have kids. And so I need to do this!

Okay, so today, I've eaten nothing. I will eat rice and chicken and veggies tonight, if I feel like I can. If I can't, I'll start tomorrow.

Thanks for being awesome!

Tracy Day 32

Sabrina...where did you go? You okay?

breakfast
4 oz milk,4 oz protein drink
1/2 apple
2 oz dry cereal

lunch
1 oz cheese, 1 oz peanut butter
7 oz cooked broccoli, 3 oz celery, 2 oz cucumber
1 pear

dinner
4 oz talapia
4 oz rice
8 oz cooked zucchini & squash, 4 oz cucumber
1/2 oz ranch

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tracy Day 31

breakfast
6 oz milk, 1/2 oz cheese
2 oz dry cereal
3 oz strawberries

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1 oz dry fruit

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz brocolli, 4 oz salad
1/2 oz ranch

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tracy 30!!!!!

I did it! Today is day 30!!!! Woot-woot!

Okay, down to the nitty-gritty:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed fruit
2 oz dry cereal

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
6 oz salad, 6 oz carrots
1/2 oz dressing

dinner
3 oz bacon, 1/2 cheese
4 oz potato
8 oz broccoli, 4 oz salsa
1 oz sour cream

Day 1

So, yesterday I ended up having a really grumpyface day and didn't weigh my food for dinner, so today is day 1

Breakfast:
Small banana
8 oz milk
1 oz oatmeal

Lunch:
4 oz meat/beans
12 oz veggies (I made mushrooms and onions yesterday which will be added to my leftover chili's green bell peppers and onions)
4 oz orange juice (no sugar added)

Dinner:
12 oz veggies (prob a mix of salsa and celery)
4 oz chips
8 oz milk

Does it seem like I'm being lazy with my food today? Thats because I am. I forgot how much getting back on when you've been off sucks. I really just want to eat some candy and a dr. pepper but i'm being strong! The tired and the headache WILL go away!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Tracy Day 28

breakfast
3 oz milk, 5 oz yogurt
3 oz strawberries, 3 oz banana
2 oz dry oats

lunch
2 oz turkey, 1 oz cheese
8 oz salad, 4 oz carrots
1/2 oz salad dressing
6 oz cantalope

dinner
4 oz scrambled eggs
4 oz potato
8 oz sauted bell peppers & onion, 4 oz salsa
1 oz sour cream

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Tracy Day 27

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed fruit
1 oz oatmeal, dry and cooked

lunch
1 oz cheese, 1 oz peanut butter
6 oz broccoli, 6 oz celery
3 oz strawberry

Dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz sauted bell peppers and onions, 4 oz cucumber & celery
1 oz oil

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Disney

A few facts:
I am tired
I am gassy
I am sick of eating crap
My poop is the worst
I don't feel good

This has just cemented how much I need the food plan. I hiad a salad yesterday and it was so so so good. We are going out for Italian tonight and I might do the same thing...or at least get a massive side of veggies. It's been really fun but David and I both kind of wish we had come alone and that we had stayed on disney property. I will tell you all the details when we get back. I really want to go to the meeting sunday night to get my week started right, so count me in...if we get home in time.

We only stayed in the park a half day today so we could come back yo e hotel and rest so i am going to take a nap.

Keep staying strong!!!! I love you and your crazy life!

Tracy Day 25

It's amazing how fast time flies when your world is falling apart. ;) So, it's been pretty dang crazy around here the last few days. (I always say that, but I also always mean it!!!) Andrew head-butted me and split my lip and I swallowed so much blood that i threw up. I was nauseas (sp?) the whole day and couldn't eat lunch or dinner and then the next day I threw out my back and couldn't really do anything but that turned out to be okay because our car was in the shop AGAIN! I couldn't have gone anywhere anyways. The bummer part is that our AC compressor unit is busted AGAIN (this is the fourth one) and it looks like our transmission is starting to go bad. So we decided it really is time to get rid of it and we'll just have to pray that monetary help will come from somewhere so we can get another car.

With all that, here is my food plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 corn tortillas
1 banana

lunch
2 oz turkey, 1 oz peanut butter
12 oz raw veggies (carrots, tomatoes, celery)
1/2 oz ranch
1 small apple

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz sauted bell peppers and onion, 4 oz s alad
1/2 oz ranch

Monday, March 14, 2011

Tracy Day 22

It sure is getting lonely in here! I hope you're having a great time Sabrina!

Here is the plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed fruit
1 oz dry oats

lunch
1 oz cheese, 2 oz pepperoni
4 oz cooked veggies, 8 oz raw carrots, celery and tomato
1/2 oz ranch
6 oz mixed fruit

dinner
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
4 oz potato
8 oz sauted bell peppers and onion, 4 oz salad
1/2 oz dressing

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Tracy Day 20 & 21

Again, my life is insane. I need to be recording my food the night before; otherwise it doesn't get done.

Yesterday I ate:

8 oz milk
2 oz dry cereal
1 banana

lunch
2 oz cheese
8 oz tomato soup, 4 oz celery & carrots
1 apple

dinner
4 oz chicken
2 corn tortillas
6 oz carrots, celery & tomato, 6 oz cooked broccoli
1 oz dip

today is gonna be crazy and i don't think I'm gonna get to eat any lunch:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed fruit
1 oz dry oats, cooked

lunch
?

dinner
2 oz bacon, 1 oz cheese
2 corn tortillas
3 oz lettuce, 4 oz tomato, 1 oz onion, 4 oz cucumer
1 oz mayo

Friday, March 11, 2011

Tracy Day 18 & 19

Yesterday turned out to be crazy...I kind of had to switch lunch and dinner and then wound up not really eating all my dinner...here is how it played out:

breakfast
1 protein drink
1 oz cheese
4 oz rice (luna bar)
1 banana

lunch
2 tacos from taco bell
taco salad from taco bell (minus the rice, beans and meat)

dinner
1 banana
1 oz peanut butter
1/2 oz cheese

today should be much less stressful...so here is my plan:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed berries
1 oz oatmeal, cooked

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz tomato and cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1/2 apple

dinner
4 oz talapia
4 oz rice
6 oz broccoli, 6 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, celery)
1/2 oz ranch

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Too fat for 15. . . or 23.

So I was watching this show the other day and they said something I really liked:

"Don't let a lapse turn into a re-lapse."

On another note: The new starbucks vanilla creme frappachino icecream? Sugar is the 4th ingredient. JUST SAYIN.

I am ovbs not eating what I should. I see bad things in store for Disney.

I'm also somewhat concered that I have every single symptom listed here:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

AHHHH. I am sabotaging myself. But I am oddly okay with it. I have lost 20 pounds and I WILL lose the last 20 I have to lose. I will. And I think the stress of not eating right at Disney stressed me out NOW which consequently led to my poor eating habits the past 2 days. And ya know what? I'm probably not going to eat that great today. Or tomorrow. Or for the next week.

And on Monday I am going to get right back on the horse and start eating right again. I am.  I want to get to 30 days. I really really do. And I am going to. Starting March 21. So April 21 I will have 30 days. Thats the goal. And you will have 60! Thats awesome!

At least I haven't gotten a cheeseburger yet. That in and of itself is a great feat.

This entire deal has made me think of what I'm going to want to do once I get to my goal weight, and its scared me. If I eat ONE thing that I am not supposed to, I kindof go crazy. .. which is kindof bad. Which means maybe I can't eat the way I want to eat once I am down to goal weight (eat program on weekdays and eat what I want (within reason) on weekends).  I dunno. I will have to play it all by ear, I guess.

I just don't know.

Despite all this, I am in a really good mood. Emma is being a good baby (ie sleeping like a champ), I get to go home for a few hours today to hang out with David and get all packed, I finished the cupcake toppers for a friend's son's b-day and I am going to DISNEYWORLD tomorrow!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Tracy Day 17

Yesterday was so crazy and I was totally tempted to just eat whatever last night and I almost just didn't eat anything...but I found the strength somewhere and I'm so grateful I did. I went in to the kitchen to make some popcorn and went to the fridge to grab something for the kids and just grabbed the broccoli. It was awesome.

I know it can get tireing to do this program, but I really do feel so much better when I eat what I'm supposed to in the amount I'm supposed to. You can do this Sabrina and I know you are gonna have a great trip in Disneyworld. You're gonna do great!

Here is the plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
4 oz rice (luna bar)
4 oz apple juice

Lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1 oz dry fruit

Dinner
2 oz bacon, 1 oz cheese
4 oz potato
9 oz broccoli, 3 oz carrots
1 oz sour cream

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Downward Spiral (Tuesday)

So, I didn't have time to go grocery shopping on Saturday. Do you see where this is going? Someplace bad.

I didn't eat breakfast today. Why? No milk or yogurt.
For lunch I had a free-bird salad, which was fine, but not enough veggies and too much protien.
For dinner I will probably eat nothing because we have nothing in the fridge and I have to do a cake tonight so I won't have time to shop/make food to eat. I'll probably drink a couple of V8s and have a slice of cheese or something.

Tomorrow starts my 3 day stay at work before my bosses go out of town. Which means I will probably eaither A) not eat enough food or B) eat the wrong food. I REALLY need to just suck it up and go grocery shopping tomorrow morning for the next 2 days. Luckily, I will use their milk and can bring fruit from home and I have oatmeal, so breakfasts will be okay. And I might have chips and salsa one night and maybe bring stir-fry from home for the other (there is some in the freezer).

I just know disney isn't going to be good food-wise. I mean, I'm going to TRY to stick to no-sugar no-flour but we'll see how it goes. I cannot WAIT to come back and start hardcore again that monday.

I keep looking at myself in the mirror and I can't belive how skinny I feel, but at the same time I am fully aware I need to still lose weight and get my eating under control.

I want you to keep strong even tho I'm sucking it up!

Tracy Day 16

breakfast
1 protein drink
4 oz rice (luna bar)
(i forgot to grab a banana...so I'll do fruit w/ lunch)

lunch
1 oz peanut butter, 3 oz blk beans, 1/2 oz cheese
7 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, salsa), 5 oz celery
1 oz sour cream
2 oz dry fruit

dinner
3 oz ground turkey, 1/2 oz cheese
2 corn tortillas
2 oz salsa, 4 oz tomato and lettuce, 6 oz v8
1 oz sour cream

Monday, March 7, 2011

Sat, Sun, Monday

Alright, Saturday I didn't eat all day because I was doing the cake and driving. We went to ElChico for dinner and I had taco salad that wasn't even that good. We have decided when we want mexican we are going to chipotle.

Sunday, I also didn't eat all day b/c I was fasting, then for dinner I had potato salad, a cheeseburger with no bun, and a bunch of oil and vinegar coleslaw. And NO cheese sticks or chocolatechip cookies even tho they looked REAL good.

Today, the plan is:
Breakfast:
4 oz fruit
8 oz milk
4 oz oatmeal
(I couldn't finish my smoothie b/c it didn't taste right - I dunno. I just couldn't finish it)

Lunch:
4 oz chicken
12-14 oz broccoli/cucumber

Dinner: (I am getting my hair did and there is a whole foods right next to the salon so I'm getting dinner from there from the food bar)
4 oz meat
12 oz salad-type stuff
4 oz rice

Greatful:
I can forgive and forget
We are doing pretty good with our budget
People want to buy my cakes

Like:
That I feel artistic when I do cakes

Tracy Day 15

My plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed berries
2 ezekiel bread

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1/2 oz nuts
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz tomato and cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1 oz dry fruit

dinner
2 oz pork, 3 oz blk beans
2 corn tortillas
2 oz lettuce, 4 oz tomato, 4 oz salsa, 2 oz bell peppers
1 oz sour cream

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Tracy Day 13 (Sat) and 14 (Sun)

Yesterday I ate:

breakfast
6 oz milk
2 oz dry kashi cereal
1 banana
1 luna bar

lunch
1 slice of combo pizza from Costco (Just the toppings)
9 oz raw veggies (carrots, celery, tomatoes)
1 oz dry fruit

dinner
1 oz cheese
3 oz tortilla chips
9 oz salsa
1 oz sour cream

today's plan is:

breakfast
FAST

Lunch
FAST

Dinner
2 oz pork, 3 oz blk beans
2 corn tortillas
3 oz lettuce, 3 oz tomatoes, 3 oz salsa, 3 oz sauted bell peppers and onions
1 oz sour cream
6 oz mixed berries

2 things I like about myself:
1. I'm still doing this program
2. I encourage my kids to be polite

6 things I'm grateful for:
1. My husband who folds the laundry
2. Prayer...it brings my heart solice
3. Classical music
4. A van that works...mostly
5. A good book
6. Ice cold water

Friday, March 4, 2011

Tracy Day 11 and 12

Yesterday was INSANE!!! I woke up, got Eddie to the train, picked up Dawn to go to the Arlington gym, worked out for two hours, took Dawn home, took Nate to school, went home to meet Meaghan at my house to make decorations for Kathleen's baby shower tonight, rushed to take a shower and then pick up Nate, went directly to Jessica's house to teach her and her friend Anna to make hair bows, left early to go pick up dinner for the family at McD's and was a few minutes late for picking up Eddie at the train, dropped him and the kids off at home, grabbed my scale and tortillas and rushed to my parent/coach meeting for soccer, and then finally arrived at the Enrichment activity to only stay and play way to much volleyball. Insane? Yeah. Thought so. So with all that, I never had a single down moment to write my food...here is what I ate:

Thursday
breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
5 oz mixed berries (costco blend)
4 oz rice (luna bar)

lunch
2 oz chicken
9 oz cabbage
1 oz asian dressing

dinner
4 oz chicken
2 corn tortillas
5 oz zucchini, 4.5 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, broccoli), .5 oz salsa, 2 oz cucumber
1/2 oz salad dressing


And here is the plan for today:

Friday
breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 pcs. ezekiel bread
1 banana

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1 apple

dinner
wendy's salad & potato

1 thing I like about myself:
1. That I love to accesorize like my mom

3 things I am grateful for:
1. relief society functions
2. good friends that make me laugh
3. singing

Sab Day 12

Alright
Breakfast:
4 oz fruit
8 oz milk
1 oz dry oatmeal
(Am I in a breakfast rut? BUT I LIKE IT!)

Lunch:
14 oz broccoli
4 oz cooked meat (imma have to go to the store to get this today, so I dunno what I'm having yet)

Dinner:
5.5 oz V8, 6.5 oz broccoli
4 oz cooked meat
4 oz brown rice

Greatful:
My husband has my back
I don't really care what other people think
I have the ability to forgive and admit when I am wrong

Like:
That I have ankles, not kankles.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Sab Day 11

Mmmmmk.
Breakfast: 4 oz fruit
1 oz dry oatmeal
8 oz milk

Lunch:
3.5 oz ground beef, .25 oz cheese
12 oz broccoli

Dinner:
2 corn tortillas
4 oz cooked chicken
12 oz broccoli, cucumber, squash

Like:
That my skinny jeans fit! (and are slightly too big! what up!)

Greatful:
The fact that Emma has taken EPIC naps the past two days. Yaaay baby!
My Mom pops in in the morning to make sure we are awake if she doesn't hear movment. (has saved me more than once for being late)
That I have to take back the shorts I JUST got to get a smaller pair! :-)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Sab Day 10

Weigh In: 155.8 OOOOOOOH BABY. Maybe I'll get down to 152 before Disney! (I'm going to weigh myself next Weds to see and hopefully I will be the same weight when I get back. Thats the goal.) Livin' the dream.

Breakfast:
4 oz frozen fruit
6 oz yogurt, 2 oz milk
1 oz dry oatmeal, prepared

Lunch:
4 oz ground beef
12 oz broccoli
1 clementine (if I feel the need, I didn't the last 2 days)

Dinner: (If David is home I will make stirfry, if not, I will eat leftovers)
4 oz chicken or shrimp
4 oz mashed potatoes OR rice noodles
12 oz stir fry veggies OR 5.5 oz v8, 6.5 oz randomly scrounged veggies from the fridge

Like About Myself:
1. My boobs haven't noticably shrunk since I've lost weight - I forgot how big they are even when I'm skinny! haha. I'm sure this is David's fav too.

Grateful:
1.The ability to save enough money for Disney to pay for it in cash
2. For a husband who spends 14 hours at school and isn't grumpy when he gets home.
3. The fact that cake-ing doesn't tempt me at all.

Tracy Day 10

I know I shouldn't have weighed again, but I did anyways...that's why I asked Eddie to put the scale up. I think maybe I better go with the 197 still instead of the 195 today just because it wasn't the weight as of yesterday. Hopefully it means that I'll have a great weightloss weight for the month.

Here is the plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
5 oz mixed fruit (papaya, mango, strawberry)
4 oz rice

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz nuts (sunflower seeds on salad)
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1/2 apple

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz bell peppers, onions, and broccoli, 4 oz salad
1/2 oz ranch

1 thing i like about myself:
my nose

3 things i'm grateful for:
1. my gym membership
2. preshcool for drew
3. nate in an argyle sweater

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tracy Day 9

So I did weigh in this morning and was a little dissapointed until Eddie pointed out to me that I lost 4 lbs in 8 days. My starting weight was 201 and today it was 197. I had a crazy hard work out and it was amazing. I used my new garmin heart rate monitor today, so I know I worked crazy hard...my heart rate is still up in the 100's after a few hours or rest. Go Turbo Jam!!!

Anyways, here is my plan for today:

4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz berries
1 oz oats, dry and cooked

lunch
1 oz cheese, 1 oz peanut butter
8 oz tomato soup, 4 oz carrots and celery
1 apple

dinner
2 oz bacon, 1 oz cheese
4 oz potato
8 oz broccoli, 4 oz carrots
1 oz sour cream

1 thing i like about myself:
i LOVE working out!

3 things i'm grateful for:
1. my beautiful children
2. that i grew up with my mom and have loving memories of her
3. that i can cry, really, really cry...cause it means I can feel.

Sab Day 9

Alright, so, I didn't weigh in, but I'm pretty sure I'm under 160. WOOHOOO! I will try to remember tomorrow morning.

Breakfast:
4 oz fruit
8 oz milk
4 oz oatmeal

Lunch:
4 oz meat (if I can find any. . . I forgot to bring some)
12 oz cooked carrots, raw cucumber/any thing else that is left in my drawer
1 clementine (maybe)

Dinner:
4.5 oz mashed potatoes (they should be gone after tonight)
12 oz broccoli
4 oz chicken

I am feeling pretty skinny these days. Right now I don't feel skinny b/c my belly is poking out b/c I have bad posture, but I still feel pretty skinny. I am thinking I might hit my 155 goal before we got to Disney, which would be AWESOME.

My monthly goals:
April 1: 155 (b/c I'm sure I'll gain a bit at disney, I am shooting low)
May 1: 150
June 1: 145
July 1: 140
August 1: 135
So five pounds a month, which I think is totally doable. And once I get to 135, I think I'll be done. We'll see when I get there, but 135 sounds awesome to me. And I'll have it done by our anniversary! Which means I'll be skinny in our pictures YAAY!

I am feeling positive. I'm hungry right now, so I'm drinking a cup of water, and will eat in about an hour.  I just feel like I can do this!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Tracy Day Eight

I had a crazy start to our day and didn't have time to sit down this morning, but here is what the plan is/was for today:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed berries
2 ezekiel bread

lunch
2 oz cheese
6 oz carrots, 6 oz v8
1/2 oz ranch
1/2 apple

dinner
4 oz black beans, 1/2 oz cheese
2 corn tortillas
6 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, & salsa) 6 oz sauted bell peppers and onions
1 oz sour cream

Sab Day 7 & 8

Okay, yesterday I fasted. For dinner i had:
4 oz potroast
4.5 oz mashed potatoes
12 oz cooked carrots and onion and a small salad


Today:
Breakfast:
4 oz frozen fruit
2 rice cakes
8 oz milk

Lunch:
4 oz chicken
12 oz cooked carrots
1 clementine

Dinner:
4 oz potroast
4 oz mashed potatoes
12 oz broccoli

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Tracy Day Seven

I think I felt so fat yesterday because I was wearing pants that button and I haven't done that in a really long time. It's a little discouraging knowing that I could have changed pants sizes that fast when it took me so long to get down. Argh. But, that is okay because the weight doesn't define me. And it will come off. I just have to be patient and keep it up. Here is what I will eat today:

Breakfast
8 oz milk
2 oz Kashi dry cereal
1 banana

Lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz peanut butter
6 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, celery, carrots) 6 oz celery
1/2 oz ranch
1 apple

Dinner
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 corn tortillas
8 oz zucchini, squash, onion, 4 oz salsa
1 oz sour cream

1 Thing I like:
I can laugh at myself for doing something stupid

3 Things I'm grateful for:
1. A husband whose not ashamed his wife isn't a "professional" anything...
2. For three beautiful kids that love me.
3. The scriptures...they always bring me back around to what's important.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Sab Day Six

Okay, so I have to go to Walmart today to stock up on Milk and some veg and Yogurt b/c we are OUT. I don't know if we have EVER gone thru an entire gallon of milk (other than like a month in utah where i was drinking like 5 cups a day. . . I just craved milk. It was so odd). and we did this time! Yay for morning smoothies!

Last night I ate too many veggies b/c the wonderful Miguels broght over a party platter of veggies and it was delish and I just couldn't stop. NO REGETS.

I went to a birthday party for a 3 year old this morning, and forgot/didn't have time to eat breafast before I went. I didn't eat any cake which was a feat. I did eat:

2 cheese sticks
1  box of rasins
Water
So that was my breakfast

Lunch:
4 oz chicken
V8
Random leftover veggies from last night

Dinner:
4 oz chicken
Salad
Veggies
Rice

I am really tired, so I'm gonna maybe take a nap, then go to walmart, then come home and bake a cake if I have time. I wonder what time you need me. . . . I should probably text you, huh?

Greatful
David doesn't care if I toot around him.
I am really so close to being done with my Batchelors (and it won't take me TOO long to finish)
My husband works extra hard on Saturdays so that we won't be dirt poor.

Like about myself:
That I have pretty bodacious mucles under all this chub

Tracy Day Six

I had a talk with my sponsor yesterday and she really wants me to just stick with the food plan she gave me, and if I haven't lost enough weight she'll talk to me then about changing it. I don't know how I feel. I think it's too much fruit and I will probably only eat 4 oz of berries with breakfast. we'll see how i feel at lunch. i still am sore from my workout on THursday but I still went to the gym yesterday and did some cardio. I'm going to try and work it out today too. Here is my plan:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
1 oz dry oats
6 oz berries

lunch
1 oz cheese, 2 oz chicken
8 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, onion, bell peppers), 4 oz raw veggies (carrots and celery)
6 oz grapes
1/2 oz ranch

dinner
(we're going to a restaraunt called "Smoke" and I've already looked at their menu:) )
4 oz steak
4 oz potato
3 oz cooked veggies (whatever they have), 4 oz salad, 5 oz raw veggies (I'll bring these)
1/2 oz butter, 1/2 oz balsamic

1 thing I like about myself:
My eyes

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. Free passes to the aquarium
2. Free dinner to a nice restaraunt
3. Friends who will babysit for us so we can go to dinner. ;)

Friday, February 25, 2011

Sab Day 5

Alright, so last night I had a salad at dinner, which was covered in dressing. I should have sent it back, but it was at Studio Movie Grill. I felt pretty gross after and haven't felt very good this morning. I also didn't have enough protien and feel very tired today.

Plan for today:
Breakfast:
4 oz fruit
8 oz milk
1 oz dry oatmeal

Lunch:
.75 oz cheese
12 oz soup (I need to get rid of it b/c I'm trying not to keep food here anymore. Long story)
2.5 oz meat (I will have to scrounge for this)
1 clementine (or not. we'll see)

Dinner:
4 oz steak
4 oz potato
12 oz veggies (broccoli and salad)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Tracy Day Five

Today went pretty well. I kept uber busy and I was really glad I had planned and made my lunch the night before. I kind of wish I had made my dinner the night before too cause I wound up eating at someone else's house and it was harder to control. I think I did pretty well considering what it was and I didn't eat any fruit for lunch either. And I worked out...I worked out hard! I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be unable to walk tomororw.

Anyways, here is my food for tomorrow:

breakfast:
8 oz milk
4 oz mixed berries
1 oz dry oatmeal, cooked

lunch
2 oz hot dog, 1 oz cheese
4 oz spagetti sauce, 10 oz zucchini, squash, and onion
1/2 oz ranch

dinner
4 oz talapia
4 oz rice
7 oz green beans, 7 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, onion, bell peppers, carrots)
1 oz balsamic dressing

1 thing I like about myself:
I find joy in serving others.

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. An unlimited supply of second-chances from Heavenly Father
2. Hot, hot, hot bubble baths
3. Muscles that ache because you worked out hard...it means I did something right!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Tracy Day Four

My plan for tomorrow is thus:

Breakfast
8 oz milk
4 oz mixed berries
1 oz oatmeal, dry & cooked

Lunch
2 oz peanut butter
4 oz broccoli, 1.5 oz salsa, 3.5 oz carrots, 5 oz celery
1/2 oz ranch

Dinner
(I wasn't sure if we were still doing meatload tomorrow night but I forgot to tell you that I won't have a car tomorrow night. Eddie is teaching a Kaplan class and will have the car. In case it doesn't work out, I'll eat:)
4 oz Chicken
4 oz potato
4 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, bell peppers), 10 broccoli
1/2 oz balsamic dressing, 1/2 oz sour cream

1 thing I like about myself:
I look like my mother.

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. Turbo Jam (best workout ever!)
2. Pyo (second best workout ever!)
3. A body that lets me exercise.

Sab Day 4.2

So I didn't end up eating chocolate.
I did end up eating Tortilla Chips, which I am okay with.

Plan for tomorrow:
Breakfast:
4 oz frozen fruit
1 oz dry oatmeal (cooked)
8 oz milk

Lunch:
12 oz cucumber
4 oz pork
2 clementines

Dinner:
No clue at this point. We are going to Studio Movie Grill for dinner/a movie, so I'll probably get a salad. Awesome. I'll bring a V8 with me and maybe a cheese stick to add to the protein. We'll see.

CHOCOLATTTEEEEE

I'm watching I Used To Be Fat so that I can maybe possibly not eat the chocolate that is calling out to me.

Its not helping.

Its hard b/c I'm at work all night and I have nothing to distract me and AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

There is icecream in the Freezer.
Dr. Pepper in the cabinent.
Chocolate scattered all over the house.

AHHHHHHH.

I don't want to be fat.
I want to be skinny
and HEALTHY
and not eat chocolate.
Chocolate is GROSS.

The end.

Sab Day 3

Okay, I gotta start back in on my nighttime routine and do this before I'm going to bed.

Weds Feb 23
Breakfast:
4 oz fruit
8 oz milk
1 oz dry oatmeal, cooked (it was like 3.8 oz I think)

Lunch:
4 oz pork
4 oz fruit
12 oz cucumber

Dinner:
2.5 oz ground beef, .75 oz cheese
12 oz veggies
4 oz rice

I like about myself:
The fact that I make really good cake

Grateful For:
Money to buy healthy food with
The fact that we have a trip fund with money in it
David has a job he loves which makes him happier at home

Tracy Day Three

Thank you for coming over last night and providing adult interaction. It was perfect. Today is gonna be a good day.I can feel it. Here is the plan:

Breakfast
4 oz yogurt, 4 oz milk
1 oz dry oats, cooked
4 oz mixed berries

Lunch
1.5 oz chicken, 1.25 oz cheese
4 oz spagetti sauce, 10 oz asparagus, zuccini and squash
1/2 oz ranch

Dinner
1.5 oz cheese, 1 oz bacon
2 corn tortillas
4 oz lettuce, 4 oz tomato, 6 oz broccoli
1 oz mayo dressing

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Day Dos

Okay, so last night I went to bed at 6pm. I felt terrible and had a headache and was tired, so I just went to bed. David made me get up at 9 and eat some chicken and a V8 so I wouldn't wake up starving. I also went and took my phone in, so I have my old phone so I have no phone numbers. So text me so I can have your number.

Tuesday, Feb 22
Breakfast:
4 oz fruit
8 oz milk
2 rice cakes

Lunch:
4 oz ground beef
12 oz cooked veggies (I have to go to the grocery store to see what I want)
2 clementines

Dinner:
4 oz pork chop
4 oz rice
12 oz broccoli

1 thing I like about myself:
My hair, on the third day after I've washed and straightened it

3 things I'm greatful for:
That I have okayish health
That David is sweet to me when I'm a grumpyface
That I have a cute baby to nanny, instead of an ugly one.

Tracy Journal 2/22

So I don't really have the time right now to put into words what I'm feeling and thinking. But I couldn't let this opportunity pass without at least posting this:

"You will see the tender mercies of the Lord in your life as you learn to watch for them and as you come to believe that the power of God can indeed help you recover."

I definitely felt the tender mercies of the Lord as I struggled with a raging headache all day and a desire to just sleep the day away. Somehow, some way, I found the courage to ask the Lord to help me confront the day and get moving. I found such an excitement and joy in my heart and I woke up this morning ready to do it again. I am so thankful for a Savior that is mindful of us and just waits for us to ask for help.

I had an amazing experience this morning baring testimony to my children of the reality of Jesus Christ and it is one I'll treasure forever.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Tracy Day 2

Here is my plan for tomorrow:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed berries
2 oz oatmeal (weigh dry and then cook)

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
8 oz salad (lettuce, bell peppers, carrots, celery), 6 oz raw carrots and celery
1 oz balsamic dressing

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz cooked asparagus, 6 oz salad (lettuce, bell peppers, carrots)
1 oz balsamic dressing

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. a loving Heavenly Father who answers my prayers
2. a loving husband who supports me and helps me with my goals.
3. good friends who make me smile.

1 thing I like about myself:
1. when I eat right and am productive I feel skinnier.

Tracy's update

so I actually did it! I feel amazing!!!!

However, I did eat something different for dinner than I had originally planned. I ate:

2 oz pork, 3 oz blk beans
4 oz rice
12 oz raw veggies
1 oz sour cream

I've already packed my lunch for tomorrow and written down what I will eat. I'm actually really excited. It's kind of crazy how good I feel right now. I wish I could bottle it up and pull it out anytime I begin to doubt or question this process.

I also checked out flylady.net today and I totally loved it. I even made my own control journal and I'm so excited to get my house in order and peace. I worked hard today and it feels wonderful.

Tracy Day One

I'm tired. Never a good way to start the day. But I'm feeling ready to get this party started. ;) Day One. Here we go.

The plan:

breakfast
8 oz milk
2 oz dry cereal
1 small banana

lunch
2 oz turkey, 1 oz cheese
14 oz raw veggies (lettuce, tomatoe, carrots, celery)
1/2 oz salad dressing

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
6 oz cooked asparagus, 8 oz salad
1/2 oz salad dressing

1 Thing I like about myself:
I'm friendly

3 Things I'm grateful for:
1. A house
2. A comfy bed
3. A dishwasher

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Dayyyyyyy ONNNNNEEEEEE

Monday, Feb 21, 2010
This is the plan.
Breakfast:
2 rice cakes
4 oz frozen fruit
8 oz milk

Lunch:
12 oz spinach, onion and mushroom
2 clemtines (this is about 5 oz total)
4 oz ground beef
.5 oz olive oil

Dinner:
12 oz broccoli
4 oz pork
4 oz rice
.5 oz olive oil

Thing I like about myself:
The fact that I have ankles, not cankles, even if my calves are huge.

Grateful For:
David's cute butt (just that specific part of him)
The iPod hook up in my car.
The new fruit bowl I got that has a banana hanger! YAAAY!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

One Day at a Time

So, this is the part of the plan I struggle with the most. That its just one day at a time. That I don't need to look down the road to the future, I just need to focus on the now. This is really hard for me because I am SUCH a planner. I have a 5 year plan I tweak every time anything changes. I love to know whats going to happen and when its going to happen.

I am staying over at work tonight, which I didn't decide until just now, so I have no food for tomorrow, and no scale to weigh it on. It so much easier just to say I'll start on Friday, or Saturday or Sunday or Monday. I don't know what I want to do. It has been made very apparent that I have issues with food, since in my head I rationalize every little thing I eat, but I have a really hard time confronting that issue.

I did so well in the start, that it is really disappointing to not be doing well now. I really need to do a menu plan for next week and go grocery shopping on Saturday. I think I am going to eat on-plan foods tomorrow and Friday, but probably not weigh (tomorrow = no food here and friday we are going out for David's b-day) and start fresh and new on Saturday. I just HAVE to make myself do a menu and I HAVE to make myself go grocery shopping. I just have to do it. I need to do it. For my sanity. For myself. I need to stop having food be an issue. I need to be free of the terrible feelings of letting myself down every time I put something I shouldn't into my mouth.

David and I sat down and did a "control journal" and I need to follow it. Have you heard of flylady.net? Its awesome and we are trying to implement some of their stuff in our home. I am just sick of it being messy all the time (you saw it on Monday!). Urg!

I just want to feel in control of my life. And I will. I WILL. I am going to do a plan. I am going to follow the plan. I am going to be happy, and do my best.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Tracy Day 23

So yesterday...I ate the normal breakfast and then fasted through lunch and dinner. I just needed some peace in my soul and I didn't know how else to get it. I woke up this morning feeling much more calm and stable. I feel ready for the day.

With that, here is my plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 pcs ezekiel bread
1 banana

lunch
2 oz turkey, 1 oz cheese
12 oz raw veggies (4 oz lettuce, 4 oz tomato, 4 oz cucumber)
1 oz asian dressing
6 oz grapes

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz zuccini, 4 oz spagetti sauce
1 oz sour cream

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Tracy Day 21

breakfast
8 oz milk
2 oz dry cereal
1 banana

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
8 oz cabbage, 3 oz zuccini, 1 oz spagetti sauce
1 oz asian dressing
2 oz dry fruit

dinner
3 oz blk beans, 1 oz cheese
4 oz popcorn
6 oz sauted bell peppers & onion, 2 oz tomato, 1 oz lettuce, 3 oz salsa
1 oz sour cream

so i weighed in on the first and it was 194. 2 lbs. shoot me now.

Sab Day 20, 21 and Weigh In

Okay, snow days = going stir crazy.
Day 20
Breakfast:
8 oz milk
1 orange
1 rice cake

Lunch:
4 oz hotdog
1 pear
12 oz veggies

Dinner:
2 oz fish
4 oz sugar free icecream
5.5 oz v8
1 oz rice
(I was going to throw up if I ate anymore)

We played Just Dance 2 for like an hour and I was SO tired and hurt so bad because I am still sickly, and it sucked. But it was really really fun.

Day 21:
Breakfast:
8 oz milk
6 oz berries
1 rice cake

Lunch:
5.5 oz v8
6.5 oz soup
4 oz hotdog
1 pear

Dinner:
I have no idea at this point, but it will be the right stuff. My boss is making a cabbage-stew type thing, but I brought food with me incase. Oh yeah, I'm spending the night b/c I have no car to get home b/c my Dad dropped me off b/c he has four wheel drive and the roads are HORRIBLE. Ugh. But its okay. I'm having an okay day, just watching movies and hanging out with Emma.

So, official weigh in on Feb 1: 163.2! I am ahead of schedule! I would love to lose 5 pounds this month and be 157 by March 1. If I am down to 155 by the time we go to Disney, I will poop my pants! Thats what I weighed when we got married! WOOHOOOO!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Sab Day 19

Breakfast:
8 oz milk
1 banana
2 rice cakes

Lunch:
12 oz soup
1 oz cheese
2 oz meat
6 oz grapes

Dinner:
4 oz rice
4 oz chicken
12 oz veggies
.5 oz butter

Tracy Day 19

breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 oz ezekiel bread
1 banana

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
8 oz cabbage, 4 cooked bell peppers
1 oz asian dressing
1 oz dry fruit, 3 oz blueberries

dinner
3 oz lime chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
2 corn tortillas
4 oz lettuce, 2 oz bell peppers, 4 oz salsa, 2 oz tomato
1 oz sour cream

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Sab Day 16, 17, 18

Friday, Day 16:
Breakfast:
8 oz milk
2 rice cakes
6 oz berries

Lunch:
Forgot to eat

Dinner:
2 oz tortilla chips
8 oz salsa
4 oz grilled onion and bell pepper
2 oz steak/chicken




3 oz beans
2 oz rice

Saturday, Day 17 (I was at work this day and forgot to bring food and it was a busy day and I couldn't go shopping so I just ate what I had around):
Breakfast:
8 oz milk
1 Banana

Lunch:
6 oz OJ (no sugar added)
8 oz soup (butternut squash)
1 oz cheese
2 oz assorted meats (salami, prochutto, etc)

Dinner:
8 oz salsa
2 oz tortilla chips
(I should have eaten more, but I was tired. . . and lazy)

Sunday, Day 18:
Breakfast:
2 eggs
6 oz OJ
4 oz oatmeal

Lunch:
12 oz veggies (I have some grilled ones in the fridge)
6 oz grapes
1 oz cheese
2 oz meat

Dinner: (I think I'm eating with my fam, and I have no idea what they are having)
4 oz meat
12 oz veggies
4 oz rice or potatoes


I have been having a hard time eating lately, mostly because I think that I haven't been weighing out my food the night before or planning it before eaither. I am going to do better this week and plan stuff out and have meals ready the night before (at least breakfast and lunch).

Friday, January 28, 2011

Tracy Journal Step 2: #1

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; beliee that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend." Mosiah 4:9

Many witnesses in heaven and in earth testify of God's existence. What evidence of God and His love have you experienced?


What's interesting to me is that I've never questioned or doubted God and His love for me. I did often think I wasn't special or worthy of His love, but I never doubted He gave it to me anyways. In EVERY, and I mean EVERY single blessing I've ever been given (whether to be set apart, or healed, or father's blessings, or just a comfort blessing, etc.) I've been told how much my Heavenly Father loves me. In my patriarchal blessing I'm told numberous times how much I'm loved. So why after all those affirmations of love and support, did I and sometimes still do, doubt my Heavenly Father? I've seen small miracles and some mighty miracles in my life. I see the beauty around me and see my loving Creator's hand and the masterpieces He's made. I have felt His loving guidance in making choices that would alter my life. I have felt that same guidance in making small, daily decisions. So why is it so easy to forget that loving guidance and make these decisions on my own? I always feel better when the Lord is in charge of my life, so why can't I just let Him? This is something I will be pondering about today as I go through my day.

Tracy Day 16

breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 scl ezekiel bread
1 banana

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz carrots
1 oz asian dressing
2 oz dry fruit

dinner
1 oz cream cheese, 2 oz shredded chicken
1 corn tortilla, 2 oz tortilla chips
6 oz zuccini, 4 oz salsa, 2 oz tomato
1 oz sour cream

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Tracy Day 15

breakfast
8 oz protein drink
1 banana
2 slc. ezekiel bread

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage. 3 oz carrots
1 oz asian dressing
1 apple

dinner
4 oz sausage
4 oz potato
5 oz spagetti squash, 4 oz zuccini, 3 oz spagetti sauce
1 oz sour cream

Sab Day 15

Alright, so plan for today:
Breakfast:
8 oz milk
6 oz blueberries
2 rice cakes

Lunch:
5.5 oz V8
6.5 oz cucumber and celery
1 oz cheese
2 oz chicken
6 oz grapes

Dinner:
4 oz rice
1 oz cheese
8 oz broccoli
.5 oz butter
4 oz sugarfree icecream

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Sabrina Day 14

I am waiting to weigh too. Its only a few days anyways, and I really don't want to be obsessed with my weight. I am feeling good (other than my head) and my pants are looser and thats the point anyways. I would love to be down to 164 by Feb 1, and 158 by March 1. If I could get down to 155 before Disney that would be aweeeeesome. I think those are attainable goals. . if I can start going to work out. I am going to try go talk David into letting me get Just Dance 2 for the Wii and doing it at night with him instead of watching TV. We both need to get in some cardio before Disney if we want to be strong enough to go all day every day!

I had fun yesterday! And hopefully I don't get the flu- I didn't really hang around Drew too much yesterday, mostly Maggie. So lets cross our fingers. Emma is congested today - I'm hoping I didn't give it to her, but the Dr. said that I wasn't contagious so. . . yeah.

Breakfast:
8 oz milk
6 oz strawberries
2 rice cakes

Lunch:
1 oz cheese
4 oz yogurt
6 oz grapes
5.5 oz V8
6.5 oz cucumber and celery

Dinner:
12 oz broccoli
4 oz meat
4 oz rice

Tracy Journal Step 2

How fitting that at my two week mark I'm now at Step two. After 2 weeks of eating on plan I truly feel "that He [can] deliver [me] from the bondage of addiction." I've already experienced this point too: "His Spirit will help you begin to see your choices more honestly and clearly..." I feel as though my mind is clear and my desires are more in tune with the Spirit. I can honestly see what I'm doing when I want that extra food and instead I'm able to focus on why I want to eat. Am I tired? Bored? Upset? Stressed? Happy? Is it a social thing?

I think my favorite part of Step 2 is found in the Action section at the bottom of page 8:

"The action required in step 2 is simply to become willing to practice believing in the love and mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the accessibility and blessing ofthe HOly Ghost. Our testimonies are that you can come to know the perfectly united love of the Godhead by watching for evidence of Their love and power in your life and in the lives of others."

I am so grateful to know that my belief and faith in Jesus Christ will continue to grow and blossom as I follow this plan. I've already felt the unified love of the Godhead and I know that as I open my heart and mind, I feel it more and more.

Tracy Day 14

Two weeks! That means you can weigh yourself if you want to today. But I think I'm gonna wait till Tuesday when it's the first of the month and the official weigh day. Thanks for wanting to hang out with me yesterday...hopefully it wasn't too boring for ya. And hopefully you aren't gonna regret not getting the flu vaccine cause Drew woke up in the night puking. He seems to be fine this morning but he's a little sluggish and not eating normal yet.

I'm actually feeling a little queezey myself, so we'll see how today goes...but the plan is:

breakfast
8 oz milk
2 oz dry cereal
1 banana

lunch
asian ck salad combo
3 oz ck, 1/2 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz carrots
1 oz dressing
2 oz dry fruit

dinner
4 oz sausage
4 oz potato
12 oz cooked veggies (5 oz spagetti squash, 4 oz zuccini, 3 oz spagetti sauce)
1 oz sour cream

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Sab Day 13

I am tired. But it was such a fun day! Thanks for hanging out with me!

Breakfast:
4 oz potato
2 oz cheese
6 oz orange

Lunch
4 oz chicken
6 oz grapes
12 oz veggies (and awesome cabbage!)
dressing

Dinner:
Skipped and went to bed (ie: its 7:45 and I am going to bed right now.)

Tracy Day 13

I'm doing it! Yesteraday was an amazing day and can't help but feel hopefull and excited for my future. The car situation didn't really change, Eddie not being around didn't really change, my kids are still sick and I'm still really tired and stressed out, we didn't all of a sudden come into money, BUT I feel like my heart has changed. I had an amazing prayer to start my day yesterday and the Lord truly softened my heart and gave Eddie and I direction for our family. I feel so grateful that I have this time to grow as a mother and as a woman and as a friend. I know that I'm being stretched and pulled into change through adversity, but I'm also grateful to know that my Savior is by my side helping me through it. It's tempting to forget that and try and do it on my own.

I was thinking about something last night. You know, Eddie is gone every single night and I usually just sit around and watch tv till I fall asleep on the couch cause it's hard to go to sleep when he's not with me. It's gonna be this way till August when we hope he's done. So...what if I use each night to do something productive instead? He's away working hard, I should be too. Last night, I did my P90X video and it felt great!

So here's the plan for today:

breakfast
8 oz yogurt
6 oz mixed berries
4 oz oatmeal

lunch
asian chicken salad...ymmy!
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
2 oz dried fruit

dinner
4 oz salmon
4 oz rice
6 oz broccoli, 3 oz spinach, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz oil

Monday, January 24, 2011

Tracy Journal #4 & #5

"Because ye are compelled to be humble blessed are ye; for a man sometimes, if he is compelled to be humble, seeketh repentance; and now surely, whosoever repenteth shall find mercy; and he that findeth mercy and endureth to the end the same shall be saved." Alma 32:13

Write about the circumstances that have compelled you to humiliy and to seek repentance. What hope does Alma give you? How can you find or recieve that hope?

I think ultimately for me, the desire to be present in my children's lives is what led me to humility. I want to be an active mom...I want to go on bike rides and go hiking and play with them at the park and to wrestle on the floor. This has been a progressive disease for me and as I've added each child to my family I feel a greater urgency to overcome it. I truly didn't realize what I was doing to myself and my family until my mother passed away. I realized that I was following in her footsteps and I didn't want to die early. I didn't want to put my kids through what I went through. I'll make enough mistakes for my kids to work through and get over without adding this giant pain and trial in their life. Once I fully realized I had a disease and an addiction, it took a lot of time spent on my knees to finally admit it. I think sometimes I try and pretend I don't have a problem and that I'm normal, but I'm not. I will never be normal. But I do find courage and hope in Alma's words. The Lord is merciful and He will help me. I know that He can change my weaknesses to strengths and that if He desires it, I can be an instrument in His hands. Christ is my Savior and He, only He, can save me.


"Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight" Proverbs 12:22


Writing the answers to these questions has called for a deep level of honesty about yourself. How does this passage of scripture relate to this kind of honesty? How can you become the Lord's delight?

I think it deals with it because this kind of honesty means your dealing with "it"...you're actually getting to the root of the problem. Until you can be honest, you cant' succeed in changing. What does it say in the OA getting starting passage? "those who do not revover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constiutionallly incapable of being honest with themselves." When we are able to be honest with ourselves and with others, the Lord can truly delight in His children and can bless us. I know I've already shared the story about having to tell nathan the truth of where his cookies went, but I haven't shared the story about lieing to Eddie about ice cream...ice cream for pete's sake! I had bought four small pint size things of ice cream with the intent of eating them all before Eddie would get home from school. The day was much busier than I had planned on and so I forgot about them. When Eddie came home and saw the ice cream he asked where they came from. I told him a lie and said someone had dropped them off for us. I then proceeded to call that person and tell them if Eddie asked or said something to cover for me. Are you kidding me? So now not only had I lied to my husband, I was asking someone else to lie for me too. I couldn't sleep that whole night and finally told him in the morning...but gracious me it was hard to do. I was embarrassed and felt ashamed and I couldn't even eat the icecream. I just dumped it all down the drain. Eddie of course forgave me and told me that he wished I could've told him the truth from the start. And I've managed to be upfront with him even when it's hard. And I'll tell you something...I feel like there is nothing that I can't tell my husband now. He knows me. Really knows me...and somehow he still loves me. I can only imagine how much more infinitely my Savior knows me and yet, still loves me.

Sab Journal 3

"Some may regard the quality of character known as honesty to be a most ordinary subject. But I believe it to be the very essence of the gospel. Without honesty, our lives...will degenerae into ugliness and chaos." Gordon B. Hinckley

Write about ways you have lied and attempted to hide your addiction from yourself and others. How has this behavior caused "ugliness and chaos"?

Oy vey. This is hard for me. I got really good at the throwing away game: gas stations were key with this. I would eat, then throw it away at the gas station before I got home. When David and I shared a car in Utah, this was key. I lied about where I got money for the food, I lied about getting food, I even lied about where the weight I was gaining came from. I lied to myself, and to David, and to others. I have become the queen of self-rationalizing. When they talk in OA about the people who can't be honest with themselves, and those are the people who don't succeed, I worry this is me. David and I are trying to be honest with each other more, and he is much more honest with me than I am with him. I have so much I haven't told him because I am ashamed. . . not about past stuff, but about food stuff. Its ridiculous that I had no problem telling him about moral issues in my past, but when it comes to food, I can't for the life of me bring myself to tell him what a horrible person I am. I know I will have to, and I have started to, but it just kills me to think of how he will think of me after I tell him. Knowing him, he'll be accepting and wonderful, but it just scares me.


Ugliness and Chaos: ugh. In every way in my life it is like this when I lie. I feel terrible inside. It eats at me. I plan the perfect moments to come clean . . . and then let them slip on by. The longer I wait the harder it is, and the harder it is, the longer I want to wait. Its a vicious cycle. And its all an inner struggle for me. The only way it seeps to the outside is when I eat and feel ugly on the outside from eating so much that I gain weight. Its amazing to me that David still loves me with all this extra weight to love. I am finally getting a control on the outer stuff, I just really need to work on the inner. Which is harder, I think.

Sab Journal 2

"It came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural strength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed." Moses 1:10

How did Moses describe himself as compared to God?
Nothing - which was something he had never thought before.

How can a little child be of infinite worth and still be nothing compared to his or her parents?
I think because a child is innocent, so whatever he does, its not for the purpose of returning to Heavenly Father - when we, as adults (or parents) do things, its with a knowledge of what we are doing. And the child is of infinite worth because we are ALL of infinite worth. Also, parents have this little thing called responsibility, which is a big reason I'm not ready to become one.

In what ways are you nothing when you do not have the help of God?
I am so so so stubborn. In my daily life, I like to think that I am going at it alone, when in reality, the only reason I am here is because of God. God gave me David, who is the biggest help in my life, and whom I would pretty much be lost without. I know that God knows I am stubborn and has David soften my heart towards praying and reading scriptures and acknowledging God's presence in our life. When I don't rely on God, things are a lot more difficult, I am a lot more stressed, and things seem a lot more dire.

In what ways are you of infinite worth?
Ugh. I hate saying good things about myself, but to put it simply, in the words of a YW song, I am of worth, of infinite worth, for Jesus the Savior Loves Me. (I think thats how it went). I am worthy of the atonement because Christ did it for me.

Write about how recognizing your helplessness to overcome your addiction on your own can bring you to admit your own nothingness and become as a litle child.
Okay, so recognizing helplessness is hard for me. I was raised by two very capable and put-together people, and being an un-put together mess is a hard thing for me to deal with being. But by accepting this fact, I can start to change my behavior and rely on God to help me overcome my issues with food. Its really hard for me, and I have a feeling that I will have to work the 12 steps many times before they really sink in.

Sab Day 12

Ugh. I feel horrible today. My nose is so full of snot. Its gross.
Plan:
Breakfast:
8 oz milk
6 oz blueberries and strawberries
2 rice cakes

Lunch:
4 oz ckn
12 oz veggies
1 pear

Dinner:
Unsure at this point.
Most likely
12 oz Stirfry veggies
4 oz meat
4 oz rice

Tracy Day 12

Thank you again for driving me last night Sabrina...I really needed to get out of the house. I feel rejuvinated and ready for the day. Here is my plan:

breakfast
2 oz milk, 6 oz yogurt
6 oz mixed berries
2 oz dry cereal

lunch
(asian ck salad...suprised;)
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
12 oz raw veggies (Cabbage and carrots)
1 oz asian dressing
2 oz dry fruit

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
6 oz broccoli, 6 oz salad (tomato, cucumber, carrot, celery, cilantro)
1/2 oz ranch

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Tracy Journal #3

"Some may regard the quality of character known as honesty to be a most ordinary subject. But I believe it to be the very essence of the gospel. Without honesty, our lives...will degenerae into ugliness and chaos." Gordon B. Hinckley

Write about ways you have lied and attempted to hide your addiction from yourself and others. How has this behavior caused "ugliness and chaos"?

It's really hard to want to talk about the things I've done. And how I've lied. It's downright shameful and embarrassing and it feels like there are two different people inside of me. The real Tracy and the one who does these other things. The truth of the matter is, I am a liar. It's easy to lie. It's easy to make excuses and rationalize things away. I've, in a moment of strong self will, thrown treats away in the trash, only to pull them out later and eat them. I've stolen my children's halloween candy and eaten ALL OF IT! I've bought a LOT of fast food and generally throw away the wrappers in someone else's garbage can so Eddie won't see it. I've done the whole "hide the wrapper inside of something else" trick so it won't show in the trash can. I've seen my children learn from experience that if they don't scarf down their cookie/treat then there probably won't be any the next day...or even later that same day. I've gotten really good at eating normal in front of other people and then when on my own, going crazy. Really, the list could go on.

The funny thing is, I never realized that my behaviors would have any effect on anyone else. I truthfully didn't see how my actions were affecting those around me. I never really thought of it as "lying" before. I really, honestly, had no idea how disillusioned I was. I was living in my own little reality and I had no idea there was the possiblity of a different one...the REAL one. This program has honestly helped me to see that. That ugliness that President Hinckley was talking about is on the inside and that choas is on the inside. And more often than not, that chaos and ugliness shows itself in my environment. When I'm out of control and participating in my addiction, it is clear to see that I'm not right with the Lord.

Tracy Day 11

So proud of you Sabrina...and yes, it's better you're telling me rather than lieing about it. ;)

So pretty much this weekend has been horrible. I've been stuck in this bloody house all week with a sick baby, then it was because we didn't have a car and now my only day for adult interaction is going down the drain because Nathan is vommitting and I'm the "lucky one" who gets to stay home with him. :( I seriously think I'm slowly going crazy.

Anyways, here is the plan for today:

breakfast
2 eggs
4 oz ezekiel bread
1 banana

lunch
(asian ck salad)
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz tomato
1 oz asian dressing
1 apple (with cinnamon)

dinner
4 oz salmon
4 oz rice
7 oz broccoli, 5 oz salad (tomato, cucumber, carrot)
1 oz balsamic

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Day 11

So, today, Saturday, was day 10. This is what I actually ate.
Breakfast:
2 hardboiled eggs (minus yolk. That sounded so gross to me.)
1 rice cake

Lunch:
5 oz spinach and mushrooms (sauteed with .5 oz oil)
4 oz chicken
Green Drink (1 banana, 5 oz greens)
I felt really sick after eating all that food. Like, thought I was going to throw up. Like, had to lie down. So I didn't get my last 2 oz of veg. Sorry!

Snack: Diet Dr. Pepper  (I felt so terrible and tired I wasn't sure I could go to work) annnd. . . . a slice of apple and a small piece of sausage at Costco (the samples! they kill me! and they had tons of desserts and I just said NO! I am slowly getting the self control. SLOWLY.)
I really need to start calling/texting you before I do something like this, huh? I promise from this point forward I shall. At least I'm telling you and not lying about it, right?

Dinner:
4 oz rice (with .2 oz butter)
12 oz soup
4 oz chicken

I am feeling much more better today than yesterday. 

Here is the plan for tomorrow:
Breakfast:
2 oz scrambelled eggs
4 oz milk

6 oz fresh fruit
4 oz oatmeal (this may change if my mom makes oats again. mmmm.)

Lunch:
4 oz barbeque chicken
Green Drink (1 banana, 6 oz greens that are gonna go bad if I don't eat them tomorrow)
6 oz baby cucumbers and celery

Dinner:
Beef Stew:
Fish out:
4 oz beef
4 oz potato
6 oz veggies
Then add some broth
Then have:
6 oz salad
1 oz balsamic

Today was a good day. I cleaned the house a bit and did some laundry and then we went to Costco!!
This is what I got:
2 massive cartons of strawberries
1 massive carton of blueberries
1 package of baby cucumbers (best eveeeerrrrr. these are seriously like candy to me)
1 package pre-cut and washed celery (yay for being lazy!)
1 huge package of frozen strawberries
1 huge package "antioxident mix" frozen berries
1 huge container of spinach
1 huge package of broccoli
1 bag of pears
1 bag oranges
1 rotisserie chicken
24 cans of V-8 (I think it was 24. I dunno. A lot of them)
2 huge blocks of tillamook (our fav!) cheddar cheese
1 12 pack of sugar-free gum
A bunch of junkfood for David (which now has a home in the hall closet, away from my food!)

We spent a ton, but a lot of it will last more than a week. Party. And yeah, a lot of fruit. I will still have to get more veggies at some point this week at the normal grocery store. Our fridge is BURSTING with healthy food. It makes me so happy to have such a healthy fridge! Yaay! I think it might be David's weekly task to go to Costco for fresh fruits and veggies without me, so that I won't be tempted. Its like when in church they talk about not even going TO the party where they serve booze, right?

Tracy Day 10

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
1 banana
2 oz dry cereal

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
12 oz cabbage
1 oz asian dressing
2 oz dry fruit

dinner
4 oz pork
4 oz rice
8 oz broccoli, 4 oz spinach
1 oz oil

Friday, January 21, 2011

Sab Day 9? Or Day 1?

Today SUCKED. Hard.
I didn't feel good all day.
Emma was grumpy mc grumperson.
I had to clean the house (at work) because the maids didn't come this week.
I have done 9 loads of laundry this week, but will do 2 more tomorrow (HOW DO THEY GO THRU SO MUCH LAUNDRY?!?!?!) and still have to do more at OUR house.
And I didn't eat what I was supposed to today.

Breakfast: Tea
Lunch: 12 oz butternut squash soup
Dinner: 4 oz home-fried potatoes (so like hashbrowns, but diced, not shredded) with onion and garlic
1.5 oz bacon
1 egg
2 clementines (3.5ish oz- I gave part of it to Emma. Its the only food we have found that she really likes thus far)
prob 1/4 cup of fresh squeezed orange juice

Yeah, not at all on plan. I mean, I didn't eat any FOOD that was off plan (unless you count the OJ, but it had no added sugar, so I dunno) but I didn't eat how I was supposed to. Dinner was mostly good, cept the whole no veggies thing, and I moved the fruit from lunch to dinner. But I just really needed an orange. Something about being sick makes me crave it, but not until late in the day today. So do I start over? If I feel bad tomorrow, I see me eating very much similar to this. Only probably less, since I will be over here at dinner time without David to run to the store to get bacon and eggs (I used potatoes that they had that were going to go bad). I am leaving my soup here to have with dinner tomorrow (I have enough left for 12 oz), and will bring my protein and grain from home. I am also going to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I have no clue what I am going to eat at this point. Maybe something like this:

Breakfast:
8 oz milk
6 oz frozen fruit (or maybe a grapefuit or something)
2 rice cakes

Lunch:
Green Drink (so use all my fruit and veggies in this)
2 hardboiled eggs - maybe devil them and use my fat that way. We'll see how I feel.

Dinner:
12 oz veg soup
4 oz chicken or beef or something
4 oz rice

Gah. Today was a hard day. Being sick on program sucks. And not wanting to eat sucks even more.
So, back to square 1? I'm okay if thats the case.
I was talking to David about it, and he was like, man, we should have had something crazy tonight, not this!
And I was like. . . dude, not the point.
At which he hung his head in shame!
Bahahaha.

Okay, its late, and they are about to get home so WE can go home.
Call me tomorrow if you go grocery shopping/do anything that you wouldn't mind me bumming around with you doing because I am going to be lazy all day if I am left to my own devices.

Over and Out

I'm sick

So I'm not eating a whole ton.

Breakfast: 8 oz yogurt
1 piece of fruit (if anything even sounds good at all. It may not)

Lunch:
8 oz yogurt
12 oz soup (tomato or butternut squash - undecided on which at this juncture)

Dinner:
12 oz soup (ditto lunch)
maybe 8 oz yogurt or 2 eggs
maybe 4 oz hashbrowns, if David will make them for me.

Swallowing hurts, and its 9:10 and I haven't even started eating. I had a huge glass of tea, and will likely have a ton of that throughout the day. Uggggh.

Tracy Journal #3

"Blessed are they which do hunger and thrist after righteousness: for they shall be filled" (Matthew 5:6)
"And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens" (Enos 1:4)


Okay, so just a thought before I read through the questions and answer them. I love this idea that I can be "filled" if I hunger after righteousness. So really, if I my desire is to do the Lord's will and have that at the foremost of my mind, my belly can be filled with the Spirit and I won't hunger after other things like food that will harm me and my soul. The other thought I had was, I sure hope my prayers are mighty.

In these two scriptures, we learn that our souls can hunger. Do you ever feel empty inside, even when you are physically hungry? What causes that emptiness?
Yes. It's that emptiness that makes me seek food or spending or sleeping or any of the other number of things I do to avoid that emptiness. I think it's caused by the spirit beckoning you back "home". It's a way for the Spirit to remind you to turn to the Lord rather than your own pitiful strength.

How can your hunger for things of the Spirit help you be more honest?
I already feel more honest. I have reached out and asked for help when I need it. I have been open with Eddie and with others and I feel like it's helped me to see the situation for what it really is. When we hunger after the Spirit and the things of righteousness, everything else in our life falls into proper perspective. I'm just so grateful I'm getting this area of my life in check now, so that I can have the Lord by myside blessing me with his spirit during these trying, exruciating really, 8 months.

Tracy Day 8 & 9

Yesterday was kind of a downer of a day, but that is really no excuse for not writing down my food and journal. It seems like if I don't do it first thing in the morning, it doesn't get done. Once the day starts, my day takes off. And I have learned through sad experience that once my writing food down and journaling goes south, it quickly leads to a relaxed frame of mind and the beginning of a downward spiral. It may not come immediately, but it does come without fail. So...here is my food from yesterday and my plan for today:

Day 8
breakfast
8 oz milk
1 banana
2 oz dry cereal

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
6 oz V8, 6 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, carrot, onion)
1/2 oz ranch

dinner
3 oz blk beans, 1 oz cheese
1 corn tortilla, 2 oz tortilla chips
6 oz sauted bell peppers and onion, 4 oz salsa, 2 oz tomato
1 oz sour cream
(Seriously, this dinner was AWESOME!)

Day 9 (today)
breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
4 oz ezekiel bread
1 banana

lunch
(asian chicken salad recipe)
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz carrots
1 oz asian dressing
1 apple (with cinamon sprinkled lightly on it)

dinner
3 oz pork, 1/2 oz cheese
4 oz rice
12 oz salad (lettuce, tomatoe, cilantro, onion, carrot, salsa)
1 oz sour cream

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Sab Day 8

No! Cheating! Thats my motto for the day.

Breakfast: (I forgot my scale at work, so we had to use a lesser-cool, non-digital scale for breakfast and last nights dinner)
6 oz frozen fruit
8 oz milk
2 rice cakes

Lunch:
4 oz meat (the last of the beef from the other night)
12 oz broccoli
1 Banana
1/2 oz pistachios

Dinner: (We are going to Chili's with friends to celebrate their engagment. I am bringing my scale!)
4 oz chicken or beef (fajita meat)
2 oz tortilla chips
2 oz rice
4-6 oz salsa
6-8 oz veggies (fajita sides, plus extra mix veg if needed to make up for lack of salsa-ing)
1 oz sour cream

Stoked for the weekend, which = menu planning and grocery shopping! YAAAAY!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Sab Day 7

Say what? A week without cheating! (if you don't count the sushi!)
Party on, I say!

Breakfast:
8 oz milk
6 oz fresh berries (blended with milk)
2 rice cakes

Lunch:
4 oz beef
12 oz cooked veggies (cooked with a bit of OO for my fat)
1small banana (3-4 oz) and 1 clementine (2 oz)

Dinner:
12 oz broccoli and cauliflower
4 oz rice
4 oz beef and chicken

So, the movie was good. Dinner was good. Emma is in a happy mood today! And David is probably going to get out of his nursing orientation early and come over and snuggle me and Emma! YAAAY!

And yes, mopping totally counts.

Tracy Journal #2

"It came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again recieve his natural strength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed." Moses 1:10

How did Moses describe himself as compared to God?
He described himself as nothing.

How can a little child be of infinite worth and still be nothing compared to his or her parents?
I think the word "nothing" is misleading. Without the sustaining and supporting of the parent, the child wouldn't survive. He would flounder and I guess in a sense be nothing.

In what ways are you nothing when you do not have the help of God?
I'm definitely like a little child. I flounder. I squirm. I make mistakes. I can't seem to do it on my own. I say I will do one thing, and then I fail. I need the help of God. I need His love and support. He sustains me.

In what ways are you of infinite worth?
Just by being who I am makes me of infinite worth. I'm created in God's image. He gave me life. You know, every night I sing to my children before bed and I find it interesting the differences in singing "you are my sunshine" and "I'm a Child of God". I try and sing "I'm a Child of God" to Maggie everyday because I really, truly want her to know who she is. Because as a child of God, she is so extrememly important and special. It makes her life have meaning and purpose. To know who you truly are, gives you strength and conviction to do what is right. Why is it so easy to forget that for yourself?

Write about how recognizing your helplessness to overcome your addiction on your own can bring you to admit your own nothingness and become as a litle child.
Like I said earlier, a child is solely dependent upon his/her parent for everything...physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. They rely on their parent to teach them and lead them and at times, discipline them. They need that constant direction and love. I am truly helpless to overcome this food addiction on my own. I use food to fill a void that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ ache to fill. I need to be more like an infant child and less like a stubborn one and ask for help. God gives me everything in my life and I know that even in this area He has interest and concern for me. He loves me and wants to sustain me.

Tracy Day 7

Thank you again for such a wonderful dinner. It was awesome! How did you guys like the movie?

So the plan is for today:

breakfast
2 eggs
4 oz ezekiel bread
1 banana

lunch
2 oz turkey, 1 oz cheese
8 oz salad, 4 oz sauted veggies
1 oz balsamic vinigriette
1 apple

dinner
4 oz salmon
4 oz rice
5 oz salad, 7 oz broccoli
1/2 oz ranch

exercise
ummm...i won't lie...probably a big fat nothing. does vacuuming and mopping count?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sab Journaling 1

"I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh." 2 Nephi 4:18-21

Do you feel encompassed or trapped? When do you feel this way most often?
I often feel trapped by food, mostly because of the way I feel trapped in the body that it creates. I feel like its a vicious cycle, I get fat because I eat the food, and when I'm fat I want food for comfort.  It sucks. I hate it. And I want to change, and I slowly am. When we lived in Utah, I would eat a lot more than I do now. I gained all my weight in Utah. At least 20 pounds probably more like 25. I did gain 10 back here, but it was after I had lost 10 pounds, and I didn't lose it the healthy way. . . I basically ate 800 calories a day of unhealthy food, so almost nothing. And that kind of weight is very easy to put back on. I felt trapped by the weight, even when I had lost it, and even more when I put it back on.


What situations or feelings weakened you so you gave in to your addictions?
I think looking at other people and becoming jealous was a sure way for me to spiral into a binge. Utah has that mindset of perfectionism, and its really hard not to fall into it and compare yourself to everyone who looks like the lead the perfect life from the outside. Also, the winter is hard for me because I think I have a bit of SAD, so no sunshine is really tough for me. Texas has helped that a lot!


When Nephi felt overwhelmed, in whom did he place his trust? What can you do to place more trust in the Lord?
He placed his trust in God. Oh man, this is hard for me. I am not very good (read: don't do it unless David does it with me) at praying or reading scriptures or LIKING going to church. I know that God is there, and that he watches over us and our lives, but the whole church part of the church is what kills me. I am a very spiritual person, just not a very religious one, and sometimes its hard to seperate the two. I really want to work on praying by myself - not just our couples prayers at night. And I want to read scriptures. Confession: I have never read the BOM all the way thru. I want to do this. I want to have a desire to go to church and to pray and to read scriptures. And not just for David. For me. I want it for me. I am going to start by saying prayers in the morning. Then add more, like personal nightly prayers, and scripture study. But morning prayers: thats where I am starting. That is how I will place more faith in the lord.

Tracy Day 6

breakfast
4 oz nonfat plain yogurt, protein bar
6 oz mixed fruit
2 eziekiel bread (4 oz)

lunch
2 oz turkey, 1 oz cheese (sprinkle of sunflower seeds)
12 oz raw veggies (salad with tomato, cucumber, celery, carrots, bell peppers, & cilantro)
1 oz balsamic vinegriette
2 oz dry fruit

dinner
3 oz ground turkey, 1/2 oz cheese
2 corn tortillas
3 oz lettuce, 3 oz salsa, 6 oz sauted veggies
1 oz sour cream

exercise
well...i didn't wind up getting to do anything yesterday and maggie is sick today so i can't go to the gym...and i hate workout tapes by myself...i may just have to do it anyways...argh!

Sab Day 6

So, yesterday was a really really hard day for me. I wanted a cheeseburger. I wanted a Dr. Pepper. I wanted to not eat my veggies. Argh. But I went home, and David had gotten me flowers and had measured out all my food for dinner and had it all ready for me to cook. I ended up having 4 oz fish, 4 oz rice, 6 oz squash, 2 oz salad and 4 oz celery. He was just sweet and it made my day a lot better.

So, todays plan:
Breakfast:
8 oz milk
6 oz berries (blended with milk)
2 rice cakes

Lunch:
4 oz beef
12 oz squash
1 banana
1 oz nuts

Dinner:
4 oz beef
1 corn tortillas
2 oz tortilla chips
6 oz cooked bell pepers
6 oz salsa
1 oz sour cream (I think its 1 oz, I don't have it in front of me, but I'll only have as much as I'm supposed to)

I feel skinnier today. I like feeling that way!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Overdue Journaling

"I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh." 2 Nephi 4:18-21

Do you feel encompassed or trapped? When do you feel this way most often?
Last night in the meeting it was mentioned a couple of times this regret and amazement at how much mental time was spent in thinking about food and being controlled by food. I completely related to this comment as I realized how much of my life and money has been spent in this trap. When can I eat next? Where can I eat so no one will see me? What fast food place am I going to go to? How far do I have to hide this wrapper in the trash so no one will see it? If I wasn't "in the food" then I was thinking about my weight, my food choices for the day, how to lose more weight, exercising for hours and hours a day, etc. It consumes me. And when I'm in the food I feel hopeless and numb and unhappy. I feel like a failure. But, when I get the food out of my body and I have a successful day of eating well and enjoying my food, I start to see what this trap really is.

What situations or feelings weakened you so you gave in to your addictions?
Extreme emotions that needed to be masked and "dealt with later"; insecurity; feeling inadequate; when I compare myself to others and realize how far short I fall; feelings of self pity..."everyone else gets to eat what they want, when they want it, why can't I?"; when I start to feel entitled to things in my life; when I start to get hard on myself and depressed.

When Nephi felt overwhelmed, in whom did he place his trust? What can you do to place more trust in the Lord?
He placed his trust and faith in the Lord. I guess I need to realize that the Lord cares about what I put into my mouth and my body. Because really, what I put into my mouth has a direct correlation to what is put into my mind. When I eat what is good for me, I'm happy and at peace...but when I eat something that isn't good for me, my mind is not at rest and I'm aggitated and feel quilty and then that leads to a downward spiral. I get numb inside and that doesn't allow me to feel the Spirit as strong as the Lord would desire for me. I know that the Lord loves me and wants something great for me. I have to have trust that He knows what is best for me and He can help me get there.

Tracy Day 5

Today's plan:

breakfast
8 oz milk
2 oz dry cereal
2 oz dry fruit

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
12 oz salad
1 oz balsamic (i'm gonna make some)
1 banana

dinner
4 oz blk beans, 1 oz cheese
2 corn tortillas
6 oz salad, 6 oz grilled bell peppers
1 oz sour cream

exercise
hmmm...i don't think i'll have time to go to the gym today, but i'll try and convince eddie to do a p90x after the kids are in bed.

Sab Day 5

Day 5? Already. I cannot believe that I haven't cheated. This is so un-like me. Usually, by day 2 I have eaten a candy bar. Last night, I totally could have gotten a bowl of icecream whilst David was sleeping and no one would have ever known. But I didn't! I am actually kindof hungry right now, but I'm going to get a class of water or something I guess.

Today I didn't want to eat breakfast. Not one little bit. I forced myself to. I think the one thing about this plan I don't like is that I have to eat even when I'm not hungry, or when I'm full. I don't understand that part, really.

So, Food Plan for today:
Breakfast:
4 oz oatmeal
6 oz fresh berries
8 oz milk (blended up with the berries. It was alright, but I just wanted to chug it b/c I didn't want to eat)

Lunch:
12 oz salad (which I am so not in the mood to eat now at ALL)
6 oz berries
1 oz pepperoni
1 egg
.25 oz cheese
2 TBS Balsamic Vinaigrette (remind me and I will get you some sometime this week)

Dinner
4 oz rice
4 oz meat
6 oz squash, 6 oz califlower
.25 oz butter, .5 oz sour cream (for the califlower! i'm going to blend it up like mashed potatoes!)

I liked the meeting last night. I did feel somewhat out of place, because while I think I do have issues with food, I'm not sure they are to the extremes that some people have. I dunno. It is insane to me that people stay on this plan for 10 years and don't cheat ever. I guess it will take some getting used to, the idea of never having things again. I don't know if I will be able to do it, let alone WANT to do it, especially when I reach my goal weight. What is the diet like once you get to your goal weight? Because if its just more food, not sure I can do that. Its SO MUCH FOOD already!

Only. . . . 9 more days till I can weigh in! Is it sick I'm looking forward to it? Probably.

Also, I forgot my guidebook thing at home . . . what was the first question we needed to answer? I read all the stuff, I just didn't get to doing the question.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sab Day 4

So, yesterday I didn't go to the gym OR come work out with you.  I am lame. But I did clean out my kitchen drawers and the cabinent and MY CAR (which was in dire need) and yeah. I need to go to the gym at least 3 times this week. NO MORE LAZY!

So, as far as how I'm feeling: good. I feel pretty dang good. Its hard sometimes, like last night when David was eating Rice Cripy Treats, and sometimes I want a snack really bad, but overall its not too bad. I am pretty full from what I eat, and its all pretty good food. I need to figure out some more intresting lunches than salad, because I know I will get bored of that pretty fast, but I would like something that I don't have to cook at work. I've been weighing out and getting my food prepared for breakfast and lunch the night before, which is good and I think helps a lot, because I am too lazy to get up and do it in the morning. My visiting teachers brought me chocolate today, and I told them I am off sugar, they asked why and I said I was doing OA. I have no clue if they knew what that meant, but yeah. I am not going to hide from anyone that I am trying to deal with this whole food thing. I am excited to go to the meeting tonight!

So, today's food:
Breakfast:
4 oz steel cut oats (my mom made them in the crock pot! soooo good!)
1 oz dried apples (in the oats)
3 oz fresh berries
4 oz yogurt
4 oz milk

Lunch:
1 apple
12 oz greens (apple and greens in green-drink form, which means all blended up with a bit of agave like a smoothie)
1 hard boiled egg
1 oz cheese
1/2 oz nuts

Dinner:
6 oz bean soup (I am going to just get the beans and meat out of the soup for measuring, then add liquid after. Since its just water, I'm assuming I don't have to weigh it)
4 oz tortilla chips
4 oz salsa (or however much I can eat)
8 oz salad (or however much is left over after my salsa)
.5 oz dressing

No cheating yesterday, but it was a LOT of bacon. I was like, sick of bacon at the end, which I thought could never happen. And it was a lot of cheese too. I might melt some of it on top of my broccoli next time or something. I should have had like, chopped beef or something on top of the potato instead. I am learning!

Days without incidence: 3

Tracy Day 4

well i got done about 1/4 of the things i wanted to on my "to do" list but it was still a productive day.
- i got my lesson planned
-vacuumed and cleaned out the car (and actually put the items away rather than putting them in a bag to leave in the garage...:)
-all laundry washed....and most folded and put away.
-hung up clothes
-did the dishes (twice)
-took the kids to the library
-grocery shopping
-stayed up what felt like all night with each child for different things.
nate---his arms have a weird rash thing
drew---he had to poop and was scared it would hurt...long story
maggie---woke up like 12 times before midnight and then decided she was awake to play

the food was such a relief to not have to worry about. i just ate what i said i was gonnna eat. it was great.

sunday is always hard because of timing to eat so instead of eating within 5 hours its gonna be more like 6. here is the plan for today:

breakfast
8 oz nonfat plain yogurt
4 oz mixed berries, 2 oz banana
4 oz oatmeal

lunch
2 oz turkey, 1 oz cheese
4 oz lettuce, 4 oz chopped veggies, 4 oz tomato soup
1/2 oz ranch dressing
2 oz dry fruit leathers

dinner
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 corn tortillas
3 oz salsa, 5.5 oz V8, 3.5 oz suated bell peppers
1 oz sour cream