Wednesday, February 16, 2011

One Day at a Time

So, this is the part of the plan I struggle with the most. That its just one day at a time. That I don't need to look down the road to the future, I just need to focus on the now. This is really hard for me because I am SUCH a planner. I have a 5 year plan I tweak every time anything changes. I love to know whats going to happen and when its going to happen.

I am staying over at work tonight, which I didn't decide until just now, so I have no food for tomorrow, and no scale to weigh it on. It so much easier just to say I'll start on Friday, or Saturday or Sunday or Monday. I don't know what I want to do. It has been made very apparent that I have issues with food, since in my head I rationalize every little thing I eat, but I have a really hard time confronting that issue.

I did so well in the start, that it is really disappointing to not be doing well now. I really need to do a menu plan for next week and go grocery shopping on Saturday. I think I am going to eat on-plan foods tomorrow and Friday, but probably not weigh (tomorrow = no food here and friday we are going out for David's b-day) and start fresh and new on Saturday. I just HAVE to make myself do a menu and I HAVE to make myself go grocery shopping. I just have to do it. I need to do it. For my sanity. For myself. I need to stop having food be an issue. I need to be free of the terrible feelings of letting myself down every time I put something I shouldn't into my mouth.

David and I sat down and did a "control journal" and I need to follow it. Have you heard of Its awesome and we are trying to implement some of their stuff in our home. I am just sick of it being messy all the time (you saw it on Monday!). Urg!

I just want to feel in control of my life. And I will. I WILL. I am going to do a plan. I am going to follow the plan. I am going to be happy, and do my best.

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