Tracy Day 40

40 sounds so long...Only 50 more to go. ;)

the plan:

breakfast
8 oz protein drink
2 oz dry oats
1 pear

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1/2 apple (sprinkled with cinnamon)

dinner
4 oz talapia
4 oz rice
7 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, carrots, celery) and 5 oz cooked carrots
1/2 oz salad dressing

Tracy 39

Last night was so nice...thank you for being my friend. I can't wait to hear how you are feeling today and if you've changed your mind again. ;)

the plan:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
5 oz mixed berries
2 oz dry cereal

lunch
1 oz cheese, 1 oz peanut butter
5 oz tomato soup, 7 oz cabbage salad
1/2 apple
1 oz asian dressing

dinner
4 oz blk bean, 1/2 cheese
2 corn tortillas
3 oz lettuce, 3 oz tomato & onion, 2 oz salsa, 6 oz sauted bell peppers
1 oz sour cream

Tracy 38

YES PLEASE!!! Please come over and I'll just have some extra food in case you want it. Here is what I'm having today:

breakfast
1 protein drink
1 banana
2 oz dry granola

lunch
1 oz cheese, 2 oz chicken
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
3 oz grapes, 2 oz oranges

dinner
4 oz teriyaki chicken
4 oz rice
9 oz sauted veggies, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz oil

This Week

I am not going to re-commit. Because I am deciding if I am going to stay at this job. And I feel sick. Constantly. So I don't think I will be ABLE to eat. I am going to try to eat on plan when I DO eat, but this morning I almost had to pull over to throwup before I got here, and I don't want to feel like that every day.

Ugh. Can I come over for dinner on Tuesday? I might not eat anything, but I need to be around friends.

Tracy Day 36

I didn't realize how long it's been since I recorded here and I find it amazing how correlated it is with how my days go...I've felt my committment slip internally but I not actually tempted to eat "off program" other than I REALLLY REALLLLLLLY wanted a diet coke. I've stayed true and I'm so glad I have. I read some really interesting "testimonials" in the back of the AA Big Book and it kind of put some things into perspective for me. When I fail to report, I'm slipping back into the "solitary" lifestyle that is of an addict. So today I will eat:

breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 corn tortillas
1 banana

lunch
none (at church)

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz zucchini and squash and onion, 4 oz cucumber
1 oz oil
3 oz pears

Day 3?

Ugh.
So coming back from vacation is not fun. Esp when your job is no longer as fun as it once was. And yeah. I am really tired.

Today I haven't eaten b/c I'm not sure I can eat and stay on plan. I know it sounds retarded, but there you have it. I kept myself from getting a cheeseburger today and that was a massive effort. I didn't eat dinner last night b/c I felt really nauseous. I will try to eat dinner tonight. I have all the food at home, I just need to eat it.

So yeah. I am struggling. Mostly b/c I need to re-commit and just suck it up and do it. We'll see how it goes. I am trying to not be in the food but its really really hard today. Which is why I haven't eaten at all.

YOU ARE OVER A MONTH SOBER! Yaaay! Haha. I like using the word Sober in reguards to food.

I think the other reason I'm having problems is b/c I do feel like I've lost a ton of weight and I need to not be okay with where I am now. I know I still have weight to lose! I know! And I know this is about more than the weight - its about being in control of MYSELF. Having selfcontrol is so hard for me, and its something I need to learn how to do before I have kids. And so I need to do this!

Okay, so today, I've eaten nothing. I will eat rice and chicken and veggies tonight, if I feel like I can. If I can't, I'll start tomorrow.

Thanks for being awesome!

Tracy Day 32

Sabrina...where did you go? You okay?

breakfast
4 oz milk,4 oz protein drink
1/2 apple
2 oz dry cereal

lunch
1 oz cheese, 1 oz peanut butter
7 oz cooked broccoli, 3 oz celery, 2 oz cucumber
1 pear

dinner
4 oz talapia
4 oz rice
8 oz cooked zucchini & squash, 4 oz cucumber
1/2 oz ranch

Tracy Day 31

breakfast
6 oz milk, 1/2 oz cheese
2 oz dry cereal
3 oz strawberries

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1 oz dry fruit

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz brocolli, 4 oz salad
1/2 oz ranch

Tracy 30!!!!!

I did it! Today is day 30!!!! Woot-woot!

Okay, down to the nitty-gritty:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed fruit
2 oz dry cereal

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
6 oz salad, 6 oz carrots
1/2 oz dressing

dinner
3 oz bacon, 1/2 cheese
4 oz potato
8 oz broccoli, 4 oz salsa
1 oz sour cream

Day 1

So, yesterday I ended up having a really grumpyface day and didn't weigh my food for dinner, so today is day 1

Breakfast:
Small banana
8 oz milk
1 oz oatmeal

Lunch:
4 oz meat/beans
12 oz veggies (I made mushrooms and onions yesterday which will be added to my leftover chili's green bell peppers and onions)
4 oz orange juice (no sugar added)

Dinner:
12 oz veggies (prob a mix of salsa and celery)
4 oz chips
8 oz milk

Does it seem like I'm being lazy with my food today? Thats because I am. I forgot how much getting back on when you've been off sucks. I really just want to eat some candy and a dr. pepper but i'm being strong! The tired and the headache WILL go away!

Tracy Day 28

breakfast
3 oz milk, 5 oz yogurt
3 oz strawberries, 3 oz banana
2 oz dry oats

lunch
2 oz turkey, 1 oz cheese
8 oz salad, 4 oz carrots
1/2 oz salad dressing
6 oz cantalope

dinner
4 oz scrambled eggs
4 oz potato
8 oz sauted bell peppers & onion, 4 oz salsa
1 oz sour cream

Tracy Day 27

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed fruit
1 oz oatmeal, dry and cooked

lunch
1 oz cheese, 1 oz peanut butter
6 oz broccoli, 6 oz celery
3 oz strawberry

Dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz sauted bell peppers and onions, 4 oz cucumber & celery
1 oz oil

Disney

A few facts:
I am tired
I am gassy
I am sick of eating crap
My poop is the worst
I don't feel good

This has just cemented how much I need the food plan. I hiad a salad yesterday and it was so so so good. We are going out for Italian tonight and I might do the same thing...or at least get a massive side of veggies. It's been really fun but David and I both kind of wish we had come alone and that we had stayed on disney property. I will tell you all the details when we get back. I really want to go to the meeting sunday night to get my week started right, so count me in...if we get home in time.

We only stayed in the park a half day today so we could come back yo e hotel and rest so i am going to take a nap.

Keep staying strong!!!! I love you and your crazy life!

Tracy Day 25

It's amazing how fast time flies when your world is falling apart. ;) So, it's been pretty dang crazy around here the last few days. (I always say that, but I also always mean it!!!) Andrew head-butted me and split my lip and I swallowed so much blood that i threw up. I was nauseas (sp?) the whole day and couldn't eat lunch or dinner and then the next day I threw out my back and couldn't really do anything but that turned out to be okay because our car was in the shop AGAIN! I couldn't have gone anywhere anyways. The bummer part is that our AC compressor unit is busted AGAIN (this is the fourth one) and it looks like our transmission is starting to go bad. So we decided it really is time to get rid of it and we'll just have to pray that monetary help will come from somewhere so we can get another car.

With all that, here is my food plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 corn tortillas
1 banana

lunch
2 oz turkey, 1 oz peanut butter
12 oz raw veggies (carrots, tomatoes, celery)
1/2 oz ranch
1 small apple

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz sauted bell peppers and onion, 4 oz s alad
1/2 oz ranch

Tracy Day 22

It sure is getting lonely in here! I hope you're having a great time Sabrina!

Here is the plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed fruit
1 oz dry oats

lunch
1 oz cheese, 2 oz pepperoni
4 oz cooked veggies, 8 oz raw carrots, celery and tomato
1/2 oz ranch
6 oz mixed fruit

dinner
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheese
4 oz potato
8 oz sauted bell peppers and onion, 4 oz salad
1/2 oz dressing

Tracy Day 20 & 21

Again, my life is insane. I need to be recording my food the night before; otherwise it doesn't get done.

Yesterday I ate:

8 oz milk
2 oz dry cereal
1 banana

lunch
2 oz cheese
8 oz tomato soup, 4 oz celery & carrots
1 apple

dinner
4 oz chicken
2 corn tortillas
6 oz carrots, celery & tomato, 6 oz cooked broccoli
1 oz dip

today is gonna be crazy and i don't think I'm gonna get to eat any lunch:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed fruit
1 oz dry oats, cooked

lunch
?

dinner
2 oz bacon, 1 oz cheese
2 corn tortillas
3 oz lettuce, 4 oz tomato, 1 oz onion, 4 oz cucumer
1 oz mayo

Tracy Day 18 & 19

Yesterday turned out to be crazy...I kind of had to switch lunch and dinner and then wound up not really eating all my dinner...here is how it played out:

breakfast
1 protein drink
1 oz cheese
4 oz rice (luna bar)
1 banana

lunch
2 tacos from taco bell
taco salad from taco bell (minus the rice, beans and meat)

dinner
1 banana
1 oz peanut butter
1/2 oz cheese

today should be much less stressful...so here is my plan:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed berries
1 oz oatmeal, cooked

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz tomato and cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1/2 apple

dinner
4 oz talapia
4 oz rice
6 oz broccoli, 6 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, celery)
1/2 oz ranch

Too fat for 15. . . or 23.

So I was watching this show the other day and they said something I really liked:

"Don't let a lapse turn into a re-lapse."

On another note: The new starbucks vanilla creme frappachino icecream? Sugar is the 4th ingredient. JUST SAYIN.

I am ovbs not eating what I should. I see bad things in store for Disney.

I'm also somewhat concered that I have every single symptom listed here:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

AHHHH. I am sabotaging myself. But I am oddly okay with it. I have lost 20 pounds and I WILL lose the last 20 I have to lose. I will. And I think the stress of not eating right at Disney stressed me out NOW which consequently led to my poor eating habits the past 2 days. And ya know what? I'm probably not going to eat that great today. Or tomorrow. Or for the next week.

And on Monday I am going to get right back on the horse and start eating right again. I am.  I want to get to 30 days. I really really do. And I am going to. Starting March 21. So April 21 I will have 30 days. Thats the goal. And you will have 60! Thats awesome!

At least I haven't gotten a cheeseburger yet. That in and of itself is a great feat.

This entire deal has made me think of what I'm going to want to do once I get to my goal weight, and its scared me. If I eat ONE thing that I am not supposed to, I kindof go crazy. .. which is kindof bad. Which means maybe I can't eat the way I want to eat once I am down to goal weight (eat program on weekdays and eat what I want (within reason) on weekends).  I dunno. I will have to play it all by ear, I guess.

I just don't know.

Despite all this, I am in a really good mood. Emma is being a good baby (ie sleeping like a champ), I get to go home for a few hours today to hang out with David and get all packed, I finished the cupcake toppers for a friend's son's b-day and I am going to DISNEYWORLD tomorrow!

Tracy Day 17

Yesterday was so crazy and I was totally tempted to just eat whatever last night and I almost just didn't eat anything...but I found the strength somewhere and I'm so grateful I did. I went in to the kitchen to make some popcorn and went to the fridge to grab something for the kids and just grabbed the broccoli. It was awesome.

I know it can get tireing to do this program, but I really do feel so much better when I eat what I'm supposed to in the amount I'm supposed to. You can do this Sabrina and I know you are gonna have a great trip in Disneyworld. You're gonna do great!

Here is the plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
4 oz rice (luna bar)
4 oz apple juice

Lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1 oz dry fruit

Dinner
2 oz bacon, 1 oz cheese
4 oz potato
9 oz broccoli, 3 oz carrots
1 oz sour cream

The Downward Spiral (Tuesday)

So, I didn't have time to go grocery shopping on Saturday. Do you see where this is going? Someplace bad.

I didn't eat breakfast today. Why? No milk or yogurt.
For lunch I had a free-bird salad, which was fine, but not enough veggies and too much protien.
For dinner I will probably eat nothing because we have nothing in the fridge and I have to do a cake tonight so I won't have time to shop/make food to eat. I'll probably drink a couple of V8s and have a slice of cheese or something.

Tomorrow starts my 3 day stay at work before my bosses go out of town. Which means I will probably eaither A) not eat enough food or B) eat the wrong food. I REALLY need to just suck it up and go grocery shopping tomorrow morning for the next 2 days. Luckily, I will use their milk and can bring fruit from home and I have oatmeal, so breakfasts will be okay. And I might have chips and salsa one night and maybe bring stir-fry from home for the other (there is some in the freezer).

I just know disney isn't going to be good food-wise. I mean, I'm going to TRY to stick to no-sugar no-flour but we'll see how it goes. I cannot WAIT to come back and start hardcore again that monday.

I keep looking at myself in the mirror and I can't belive how skinny I feel, but at the same time I am fully aware I need to still lose weight and get my eating under control.

I want you to keep strong even tho I'm sucking it up!

Tracy Day 16

breakfast
1 protein drink
4 oz rice (luna bar)
(i forgot to grab a banana...so I'll do fruit w/ lunch)

lunch
1 oz peanut butter, 3 oz blk beans, 1/2 oz cheese
7 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, salsa), 5 oz celery
1 oz sour cream
2 oz dry fruit

dinner
3 oz ground turkey, 1/2 oz cheese
2 corn tortillas
2 oz salsa, 4 oz tomato and lettuce, 6 oz v8
1 oz sour cream

Sat, Sun, Monday

Alright, Saturday I didn't eat all day because I was doing the cake and driving. We went to ElChico for dinner and I had taco salad that wasn't even that good. We have decided when we want mexican we are going to chipotle.

Sunday, I also didn't eat all day b/c I was fasting, then for dinner I had potato salad, a cheeseburger with no bun, and a bunch of oil and vinegar coleslaw. And NO cheese sticks or chocolatechip cookies even tho they looked REAL good.

Today, the plan is:
Breakfast:
4 oz fruit
8 oz milk
4 oz oatmeal
(I couldn't finish my smoothie b/c it didn't taste right - I dunno. I just couldn't finish it)

Lunch:
4 oz chicken
12-14 oz broccoli/cucumber

Dinner: (I am getting my hair did and there is a whole foods right next to the salon so I'm getting dinner from there from the food bar)
4 oz meat
12 oz salad-type stuff
4 oz rice

Greatful:
I can forgive and forget
We are doing pretty good with our budget
People want to buy my cakes

Like:
That I feel artistic when I do cakes

Tracy Day 15

My plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz mixed berries
2 ezekiel bread

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1/2 oz nuts
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz tomato and cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1 oz dry fruit

dinner
2 oz pork, 3 oz blk beans
2 corn tortillas
2 oz lettuce, 4 oz tomato, 4 oz salsa, 2 oz bell peppers
1 oz sour cream

Tracy Day 13 (Sat) and 14 (Sun)

Yesterday I ate:

breakfast
6 oz milk
2 oz dry kashi cereal
1 banana
1 luna bar

lunch
1 slice of combo pizza from Costco (Just the toppings)
9 oz raw veggies (carrots, celery, tomatoes)
1 oz dry fruit

dinner
1 oz cheese
3 oz tortilla chips
9 oz salsa
1 oz sour cream

today's plan is:

breakfast
FAST

Lunch
FAST

Dinner
2 oz pork, 3 oz blk beans
2 corn tortillas
3 oz lettuce, 3 oz tomatoes, 3 oz salsa, 3 oz sauted bell peppers and onions
1 oz sour cream
6 oz mixed berries

2 things I like about myself:
1. I'm still doing this program
2. I encourage my kids to be polite

6 things I'm grateful for:
1. My husband who folds the laundry
2. Prayer...it brings my heart solice
3. Classical music
4. A van that works...mostly
5. A good book
6. Ice cold water

Tracy Day 11 and 12

Yesterday was INSANE!!! I woke up, got Eddie to the train, picked up Dawn to go to the Arlington gym, worked out for two hours, took Dawn home, took Nate to school, went home to meet Meaghan at my house to make decorations for Kathleen's baby shower tonight, rushed to take a shower and then pick up Nate, went directly to Jessica's house to teach her and her friend Anna to make hair bows, left early to go pick up dinner for the family at McD's and was a few minutes late for picking up Eddie at the train, dropped him and the kids off at home, grabbed my scale and tortillas and rushed to my parent/coach meeting for soccer, and then finally arrived at the Enrichment activity to only stay and play way to much volleyball. Insane? Yeah. Thought so. So with all that, I never had a single down moment to write my food...here is what I ate:

Thursday
breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
5 oz mixed berries (costco blend)
4 oz rice (luna bar)

lunch
2 oz chicken
9 oz cabbage
1 oz asian dressing

dinner
4 oz chicken
2 corn tortillas
5 oz zucchini, 4.5 oz salad (lettuce, tomato, broccoli), .5 oz salsa, 2 oz cucumber
1/2 oz salad dressing


And here is the plan for today:

Friday
breakfast
4 oz scrambled eggs
2 pcs. ezekiel bread
1 banana

lunch
2 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1 apple

dinner
wendy's salad & potato

1 thing I like about myself:
1. That I love to accesorize like my mom

3 things I am grateful for:
1. relief society functions
2. good friends that make me laugh
3. singing

Sab Day 12

Alright
Breakfast:
4 oz fruit
8 oz milk
1 oz dry oatmeal
(Am I in a breakfast rut? BUT I LIKE IT!)

Lunch:
14 oz broccoli
4 oz cooked meat (imma have to go to the store to get this today, so I dunno what I'm having yet)

Dinner:
5.5 oz V8, 6.5 oz broccoli
4 oz cooked meat
4 oz brown rice

Greatful:
My husband has my back
I don't really care what other people think
I have the ability to forgive and admit when I am wrong

Like:
That I have ankles, not kankles.

Sab Day 11

Mmmmmk.
Breakfast: 4 oz fruit
1 oz dry oatmeal
8 oz milk

Lunch:
3.5 oz ground beef, .25 oz cheese
12 oz broccoli

Dinner:
2 corn tortillas
4 oz cooked chicken
12 oz broccoli, cucumber, squash

Like:
That my skinny jeans fit! (and are slightly too big! what up!)

Greatful:
The fact that Emma has taken EPIC naps the past two days. Yaaay baby!
My Mom pops in in the morning to make sure we are awake if she doesn't hear movment. (has saved me more than once for being late)
That I have to take back the shorts I JUST got to get a smaller pair! :-)

Sab Day 10

Weigh In: 155.8 OOOOOOOH BABY. Maybe I'll get down to 152 before Disney! (I'm going to weigh myself next Weds to see and hopefully I will be the same weight when I get back. Thats the goal.) Livin' the dream.

Breakfast:
4 oz frozen fruit
6 oz yogurt, 2 oz milk
1 oz dry oatmeal, prepared

Lunch:
4 oz ground beef
12 oz broccoli
1 clementine (if I feel the need, I didn't the last 2 days)

Dinner: (If David is home I will make stirfry, if not, I will eat leftovers)
4 oz chicken or shrimp
4 oz mashed potatoes OR rice noodles
12 oz stir fry veggies OR 5.5 oz v8, 6.5 oz randomly scrounged veggies from the fridge

Like About Myself:
1. My boobs haven't noticably shrunk since I've lost weight - I forgot how big they are even when I'm skinny! haha. I'm sure this is David's fav too.

Grateful:
1.The ability to save enough money for Disney to pay for it in cash
2. For a husband who spends 14 hours at school and isn't grumpy when he gets home.
3. The fact that cake-ing doesn't tempt me at all.

Tracy Day 10

I know I shouldn't have weighed again, but I did anyways...that's why I asked Eddie to put the scale up. I think maybe I better go with the 197 still instead of the 195 today just because it wasn't the weight as of yesterday. Hopefully it means that I'll have a great weightloss weight for the month.

Here is the plan for today:

breakfast
4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
5 oz mixed fruit (papaya, mango, strawberry)
4 oz rice

lunch
3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz nuts (sunflower seeds on salad)
9 oz cabbage, 3 oz cucumber
1 oz asian dressing
1/2 apple

dinner
4 oz chicken
4 oz rice
8 oz bell peppers, onions, and broccoli, 4 oz salad
1/2 oz ranch

1 thing i like about myself:
my nose

3 things i'm grateful for:
1. my gym membership
2. preshcool for drew
3. nate in an argyle sweater

Tracy Day 9

So I did weigh in this morning and was a little dissapointed until Eddie pointed out to me that I lost 4 lbs in 8 days. My starting weight was 201 and today it was 197. I had a crazy hard work out and it was amazing. I used my new garmin heart rate monitor today, so I know I worked crazy hard...my heart rate is still up in the 100's after a few hours or rest. Go Turbo Jam!!!

Anyways, here is my plan for today:

4 oz milk, 4 oz yogurt
4 oz berries
1 oz oats, dry and cooked

lunch
1 oz cheese, 1 oz peanut butter
8 oz tomato soup, 4 oz carrots and celery
1 apple

dinner
2 oz bacon, 1 oz cheese
4 oz potato
8 oz broccoli, 4 oz carrots
1 oz sour cream

1 thing i like about myself:
i LOVE working out!

3 things i'm grateful for:
1. my beautiful children
2. that i grew up with my mom and have loving memories of her
3. that i can cry, really, really cry...cause it means I can feel.

Sab Day 9

Alright, so, I didn't weigh in, but I'm pretty sure I'm under 160. WOOHOOO! I will try to remember tomorrow morning.

Breakfast:
4 oz fruit
8 oz milk
4 oz oatmeal

Lunch:
4 oz meat (if I can find any. . . I forgot to bring some)
12 oz cooked carrots, raw cucumber/any thing else that is left in my drawer
1 clementine (maybe)

Dinner:
4.5 oz mashed potatoes (they should be gone after tonight)
12 oz broccoli
4 oz chicken

I am feeling pretty skinny these days. Right now I don't feel skinny b/c my belly is poking out b/c I have bad posture, but I still feel pretty skinny. I am thinking I might hit my 155 goal before we got to Disney, which would be AWESOME.

My monthly goals:
April 1: 155 (b/c I'm sure I'll gain a bit at disney, I am shooting low)
May 1: 150
June 1: 145
July 1: 140
August 1: 135
So five pounds a month, which I think is totally doable. And once I get to 135, I think I'll be done. We'll see when I get there, but 135 sounds awesome to me. And I'll have it done by our anniversary! Which means I'll be skinny in our pictures YAAY!

I am feeling positive. I'm hungry right now, so I'm drinking a cup of water, and will eat in about an hour.  I just feel like I can do this!